Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Matthew 6:33-34

Matthew 6:33-34 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Every time the phone rings I find myself holding my breath. One day there is good news to report on Dad’s condition. The next day I find myself fighting off tears all day long from the news of the latest battles he has to fight.

Today is one of those days to fight off tears. Mom called first thing this morning to inform me of the infection my dad came down with in the middle of the night. Hearing her voice shake on the phone as she attempts not to cry is always difficult to listen to. I proceeded to call my maternal grandparents, at her request, and inform them of the situation. My instructions were to inform them of the changes in Dad’s condition but at the same time help them realize they need not worry. If she were to call, they would hear the emotion in her voice and want to rush in to visit. My grandpa, especially, feels the need to worry. He’s 80+ years old and shouldn’t have to see his daughter and son-in-law go through this kind of thing. I think his worry is a bit justified.

The appeals for property taxes are due on Monday. My parents’ property is currently under appeal with the State for last year’s tax assessment. Now, they need to appeal again with the County for this year's taxes. This time, while my dad is in the Intensive Care Unit fighting for his life. My mom has put hours and hours into fighting this outrageous assessment. How do we fight for her and not undo everything she’s worked so hard for? Overwhelmed does not even begin to describe the way I feel with this burden.

I spent this past Monday evening gardening. I went to my parents’ and harvested sweet corn and squash. The sweet corn had to be husked, boiled, cut off the cob and frozen. The squash just had to wait. I was only up until midnight with just two buckets of corn. I never mind enjoying the benefits of my parents’ labor but at times like this, I wonder if it’s just better to buy the vegetables at the supermarket. I do know that this is what Dad desires right now and it enables Mom to stay at the hospital with him. I just have to suck it up that I haven’t been to see my dad in quite a while. This is what they need right now.

Then there’s the mowing at their house; making sure the pumpkins and gourds aren’t rotting inside their house; harvesting the rest of the pumpkins, gourds, squash, corn and anything else that might be remaining in the garden before it rots.

There’s my own house; dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.; training for the marathon; watching what I eat; my marriage; being a mom.

I realize, that today is one day. That’s all I need to get through. Tomorrow can be dealt with when tomorrow comes. And the future will wait.

Any advice for raising my girls in the midst of all this? It seems as though I am yelling all the time. The girls seem to be fighting all day long and I don't even know how to go about stopping the whining. It's endless and I'm tired. I feel like I’m failing – BIG TIME.

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