Tuesday, October 30, 2007

God and Cancer

My mom called in the middle of small group to tell me that they think my dad's tongue may be dead due to a fungus. They were having a special doctor called in to determine if they need to cut off a large part of his tongue. I could send out an e-mail asking everyone to pray that it not be a fungus. Thing is, everyone is already praying for the situation and God knows. If you're reading this, please pray that it is not a fungus and he doesn't have to lose his tongue. I realize that losing a tongue is not the same as losing your hearing and does not compare to losing your life but my dad is really going to have a hard time with this one.

To be honest, I'm not understanding any of this. It's a HUGE struggle for me right now. I continue to read the Bible and find comfort that God is constant. He remains the same even through these roller coaster moments. Humanly speaking, I cannot get my mind around it. I cannot understand why or how or when or what or anything for that matter anymore. I don't look forward to the holidays as I would usually do. I don't want them to come. I don't want tomorrow to come either. I simply want the simple life back. I used to pop out of bed every morning being the morning person that I am. These days, I have to force myself to get out of bed before the girls wake up. I would sleep the day away if I could. Just a little honesty from the daughter of a cancer patient.

So here's the hymn I've been holding to today from the Bible reading this morning:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

I do believe this and hold to the verses from Lamentations. At the same time, I'm human and it hurts to see my dad go through all of this.

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