Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Cancer - all too familiar

Cancer. Lymphoma. Leukemia. Radiation. Chemotherapy. These are all words that have become all too familiar to our household.

Yesterday afternoon, a friend of mine called to inform me that her husband has been diagnosed with Hodgkins disease - lymphoma. It's not Non-Hodgkins like my dad had. That should make it more curable. Still, hearing the diagnosis of lymphoma, especially after watching my dad's last year of life is difficult. I cannot even fathom the emotions that our friends must be experiencing at this moment.

I cannot understand what they are going through. To have your husband diagnosed especially in the season where you have little kids at home is just downright lousy. Life has now been turned upside down for them. I have no advice. There's none to give. All I can do is be part of a support system they will so desperately need now.

It just seems like there is cancer everywhere I turn. Someone is fighting at a different level at a different stage of life everywhere I look. Honestly, I just don't understand anything anymore. I know God is God. I know He can still do miracles. I know He still loves us. Still, I'm fighting to understand how anything fits together anymore. That's what I told my friend. I know cancer was not God's plan. Cancer is part of the fall of man. It doesn't make it any easier to accept or understand why God doesn't stop it. Even so, we can only imagine that because it is not part of His plan, that it must break His heart when we experience this sort of pain.

I long more for heaven and the way God intended things to be more every day. This life here on earth is downright exhausting. For me, it's just a mound of confusion and pain. I'm really struggling to find the joy in all of this. Yet I will continue to seek God because I know He is holding us through it all and the worst thing for us would be to just turn our backs on Him.

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