Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Seeking the Passion

I've been struggling with the word miracles and healing lately. The end result of cancer with my dad, I'm certain, is the main reason for my quandry. Even now, staring in the face of a miracle my heart is still lacking passion and excitement. The facts are all there in my head. I believe it all. My heart is lacking.

Yesterday the hospice nurses came to the house for Dad Carlson. They were among the rest of us in their amazement of his condition. He was on death's door on Friday. Honestly, we did not expect him to be alive today. Every day is a gift with him. There is no timeframe to give for the remainder of his life. It could be days. It could be much longer. He has a bacteria in his blood that is working to destroy his organs along with the cancer his body has fought against for so long. This is bonus time that has been given to us by God. Nothing short of a miracle.

Shouldn't this ignite my heart once again? Shouldn't I begin to feel the passion I once experienced in my life as God continues to show Himself even throughout these dark times?

My heart is still filled with so much confusion and I lack passion. I'm referring to the deep passion that ignites my heart and sets me on fire to give me purpose for this life we live.

So I continue on. As I continue to seek God, He reveals Himself to me. He promises to so I will continue to cling to what I've been taught; what I know; what is true.

Proverbs 8:17 - "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."

Matthew 7:8 - "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

1 comment:

  1. Hi Tristi,

    Please remember to give yourself some grace in what your expectations for yourself are.

    It's so great that you have the gift of these days with Rod's dad. And yet, you're still in mourning for your dad and Rod's dad is still struggling with the same thing. These are hard times.

    There is a time and a season for sadness and grief, and you're still in it.

    It's okay to not feel passionate, yet. It'll come.