Thursday, January 15, 2009

In need of grace

Last night we went to my mom's. Prior to dinner, Rod remembered that there were candy bars in the Abominable Snowman cookie jar. He pulled it down from its current position (out of kids reach). I then felt the need to comment on the thought that if the girls came back to play, it could break.

Later, I heard something fall. I turned my head to see the girls looking in the cookie jar. The Abominable's head was on the floor.

My reactions to these types of situation are never good. Frustration and irritation show immediately. Rarely is there a time I don't yell. The moment ended with both girls in tears. (Nike because of the cookie jar; Jaycie because she wanted candy.) My mom was instructing me on the unimportance of "things". I was just sighing over the fact that, once again, I responded incorrectly.

Knowing the cookie jar could be fixed with some super glue, we ate dinner and had ice cream and brownies for dessert. I ate a few helpings of pasta. I ate some chicken. I ate some corn. I ate a handful of rolls. Prior to dinner, I had some chips. I found an oatmeal cream pie that I placed into my mouth and I had found some chocolates not in a cookie jar that I proceeded to enjoy as well. (My life sounds a little bit like The Hungry Little Catepillar.)

Then there was dessert. Initially, I had passed on dessert. Until I saw there was peppermint ice cream. A couple helpings of that plus a brownie kind of sealed my fate. (I'm really not feeling so well this morning.)

Like I've said before, I have an addiction to food. My goal this year is to identify what drives me there and replace the terrible habits I have formed.

All this being said, there's no wonder that I can easily be overwhelmed with the changes that need to be made in my life. In so many ways, I fall short. I'm easily angered. I can be quite lazy. I often overeat. I talk too much. Listen too little. The list can go on and on.

I want to change. I don't like yelling over little things. Overeating, although in the moment might be enjoyable, never feels good the next moment. I can say I need some rest, but when the dishes need to be done, laundry is overflowing and I can see the dog hair on the floor, there is absolutely no excuse for my butt to be on the sofa.

Sigh.

There's just so much to change. The key is, I know I need to change. I think that could very well be the first step toward change. I embrace that I need to change. I don't want to be an overweight, angry woman without any friends. I want to be someone that effectively reflects God in my life.

I don't know exactly how to change. I'm working on it little by little. I'm praying for God to help me. I'm reading the Bible, specifically Proverbs which is filled with application for my life.

Today is a new day. A fresh morning. A clean start. God extends grace to me which I am quite thankful for. I need a lot of it. The least I can do is extend some as well. It might help to start with myself.

2 comments:

  1. Some change is good, I'll agree. But I believe that you are sometimes much to hard on yourself. Afterall, if you were COMPLETELY different, we might not be such good friends! I hope that you have a good day today, and find "time" to think before your react...maybe that is the problem...there is never enough time!! PS: The comment you made about yourself talking to much, and listening too little...I know that is NOT true!!

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  2. Thanks...
    Sometimes we need to be hard on ourselves. I don't want to be COMPLETELY different. There are things I like about myself - otherwise I wouldn't struggle with pride. :)
    I do talk too much and listen too little...You just help balance me out! :) Love you!

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