Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Life goes on

It feels like so much has happened in life since last February. It's almost a blur. It seems so surreal still.

Tonight we went to my mom's for dinner. I took Jaycie to the bathroom at one point and there was a ceramic Easter basket on the counter. I had already walked by it a couple of times and didn't think anything about it. Until Jaycie asked about it, that is. "What is that?" she inquired. "That's an Easter basket," I told her. "We bought it for Papa and put hugs & kisses in it for him."

Walking back upstairs, I felt myself choke up. Little things can bring tears. After his initial bouts of chemo, the decision was made not to have close contact with him when his blood counts were low in order to protect him from infection. Now it's just a little memory of something we did for him. Nikelle and I would bring hugs & kisses and place them in the Easter basket each time we visited rather than give him actual hugs & kisses.

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. For me, it's a strange reality every day. That he never met Andelise... that life still goes on... that it's almost been a year and he has not been a part of so many memories...that we're learning to cope...that it still hurts so much...that it gets a little easier each day...that there are days where grief still overwhelms...I'm sure we'll always miss him...some days more than others.

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