Friday, May 22, 2009

Missing out?

It never fails. Whenever I commit to slowing my life down, opportunities arise where I have to intentionally commit to saying "no".

There are new study opportunities I really desire to commit to. A marriage study. One during the day with other women (childcare was even provided). And yet I have to say "no". Right now it's only saying "no" to myself. One would think this should be fairly easy. The problem is that I hate to feel like I'm missing out. I want to be informed. I want to be involved. I want to be in on whatever is going on.

I need to change my mindset this year. I need to realize that I'm not missing out. I can be informed. I am very involved. And whatever is going on is right here in this household. Still, it is hard for me.

God is impressing on me the importance of my own family. I can minister to others. I can be involved in the lives of others. And yet, what does any of that matter if I miss out on the lives God has entrusted me with? Now that Nikelle calls me out on so many things, I'm realizing some day she will look back and talk about the impact her mother had on her. I strongly desire for there to be some positive impact for her to reflect on.

Looks like this is a year where God is working on changing me. It's all good in the long run. During the changing process, however, it is downright exhausting. I am learning to embrace the change. It will make me a better person. I will become a more accurate reflection of Christ.

If I seem a bit distant, though, it's because I'm in the midst of change. So I'm tired. And yet, there is still so much changing to do... and I don't want to miss out on my girls while I'm doing it. So, I'll get better at saying "no" to myself and others so I can say "yes" a little more often to my family.

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