Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

I will honestly pray the morning of a weigh-in that I will have lost weight. Or at least stay the same. Even just remaining in the weight range where I don't have to pay would thrill me these days. I will seriously eat whatever I very well please for weeks on end only to get on the scale praying for some kind of results I'll be happy with.

Thinking about this particular prayer that I throw up makes the lyrics to the song at the beginning of My Best Friend's Wedding play through my mind - "wishing and hoping and thinking and praying". Maybe dreaming is more like it. I cannot even squeeze into the size pants I was fitting into just a couple months ago. And the damage I've created on the scale is not going to be turned around without some serious work.

This has me thinking about life in general. For example, I want my marriage to be bliss. I want the romance Hollywood portrays (in the movies, not real life) - that passionate love. I want the happily ever after offered to me in the fairy tales. But we live in the real world. Reality is that there are many days my husband and I may not even like each other. Irritations build up. Responsibilities take over. The calendar overwhelms. Life takes all our energy. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I want true love. So why have I done absolutely nothing to help me in pursuit of this goal? Months on end without spending any quality alone time together. Choosing my children, friends, family and other commitments before my time with him. Just pretending like all the problems will magically go away. And then I wonder. Why don't we "feel" love towards each other?

This applies to other relationships as well. Time spent together is scarce. And God forbid we should actually talk about something of value! After all, aren't there always at least three topics we are supposed to avoid in conversations? I want quality friendships and relationships with my family members. I want people to rally around me in times of trouble and share my moments of joy. And yet there is no investment made in that direction. If we won't be real with each other, how is there going to be any depth to my relationships?

And we can't leave God out of the equation. He waits patiently for us to become aware of all the love He offers us. The fact that He created us should be our first hint as to the amount of love He has for us. He pours blessing upon blessing on us and we just want to complain about every problem we can find. Not to mention how quick we forget about the tremendous sacrifice that was made for us when Jesus came from Heaven to earth to die for us. Think about it: We damage our relationship with God through sin and He offers us forgiveness, a second chance and even builds the bridge! How many relationships out there that we vie for offer us that?

It's amazing really. How we wish and hope. How we long for better and yet are unwilling to do anything about it. I am never going to lose this last 10-15 pounds until I actually start taking some action towards achieving my goal. I can't possibly experience true love with my husband when we never take the time to put one another as the priority. Meaningful relationships don't happen without being a bit vulnerable and investing the time. And it is impossible to know God when we refuse to acknowledge the numerous ways He pours out His love on us or take the opportunity to seize the pathways He extends for us to come to Him.

Maybe it's time for a little less wishing and hoping. And time for a lot more thinking and praying - along with a lot of action.

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