Thursday, September 16, 2010

Striving to be Me

Insecurities set in easily in my heart. Inferiority clouds quickly over my head. Yesterday, I informed my husband that a good friend told me Mozart died when he was 35. My husband had informed me previously that Jesus died when He was 33. (He was correcting me when I attempted to inform him that I could still have an impact on the lives of others because Jesus started His ministry at 33 and I’m not quite that old yet.) I asked him how old Princess Diana was when she died. “Aren’t we a little arrogant?” was his response to me. “Huh?” I asked. “…lumping yourself in with Jesus and Mozart... don’t you think that makes you a bit arrogant?” (He was just kidding.)

While I was not attempting to place myself on the same rung of the ladder as Jesus or even Mozart for that matter, I was using them as a standard of measurement for myself. A standard of measurement that will only leave me feeling inferior and insecure mind you.

Rachel Olsen of Proverbs 31 Ministries asks the question “Lord, how can I become content with just who I am, nothing more and nothing less?” You can read her article here. She quotes Matthew 23:11-12, ""Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (MSG)

I need to remember that while it helps to work toward my dreams, I can be content where I am right now. While I wonder why God ever thought it permissible to allow me to be a mother, He wouldn’t have given me these children if He wasn’t going to equip me to be the mom that they need. When I look at my husband and the view of when we fell in love appears foggy, I can thank God for our past together and ask Him to help us today and in the future to remember clearly why we chose to spend this life together. As I write, and insecurities fill up my soul, I can hold tightly to the fact that even if no one else is inspired by what I put into words, it is enough that God uses this to transform me. And when I’m looking around for anyone who will give me a pat on the back, I can remember the example Christ gave as the ultimate servant when He died upon that cross. I don’t need to be acknowledged for what I do. I simply need to do it because I know it is what I am supposed to do.

I need to strive for contentment. God created me to be me. I don’t need to strive to become someone else. I don’t have to be Jill Savage and found an entire ministry for women. I may never write a novel like Jane Austen. It is unlikely that I will ever be remembered as Mother Theresa. Comparing myself to others will only leave me feeling inferior. Making certain I am the best version of who God made me to be, however, leaves me fulfilled.

2 comments:

  1. Tristi, I think you are an amazing mom and person! I look at your life and all that you are able to do and am amazed and wowed by it.

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  2. Thanks for the encouragement, Jenna!

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