Saturday, April 28, 2012

Kicking, Screaming and Growing Closer to Jesus


My three year old saw a hawk the other morning. "I saw that when we were at the Willis Tower." While I'm lost on the reference to seeing the hawk there, I'm caught up in the ease of her words. I don't like the name Willis Tower. For me, this building will always be the Sears Tower. This new name has difficulty rolling off of my tongue.

Anytime I encounter change in my life, I usually go kicking and screaming. It probably has something to do with the fact that I like to be comfortable. Knowing what is coming... the predictable... that is a cozy place for me. And yet life continues to alter and I continue to throw a fit.

This past week has had a lot of moments where I carry my daughter kicking and screaming up to her room for a time out. (She is kicking and screaming, not me.) I want her to learn her emotions and opinions are important. The way we express them and share them, however, need to honor God. Why is it that the lessons I try to teach my children are always the ones I need to learn myself?

Every April, for the past few years, I begin to feel like I'm forgetting something. I can't quite pinpoint what it is that I am supposed to be doing. Something is missing. It always hits me just before April 27th. This is my dad's birthday. For as long as I can remember, I attempted to mark this day with a memorable card or a poem to bring my daddy to tears. Now, it's only a reminder that while I still don't like change, I've learned to quit throwing a fit and instead ask God "What do I do with it now?"

God has used this change in my life of no longer being able to talk to my earthly father to mold me. I've gotten a lot better at stopping my kicking and screaming in order to ask myself how I can honor God through this situation. When I feel the temper tantrum coming, it is a reminder that I need to stop and ask God "What do I do with this now?" "How will this change ultimately transform me to become more of the person you want me to be?"

I still don't like change. My first instinct will probably always be to throw a fit but I will continue to reach for Jesus outstretched hand, knowing this is what He wants me to do. Next time I am avoiding the swinging arms and feet of my little girl as I carry her up to her room, I hope to be prompted to look to Jesus. My goal is that we will all grow closer to Jesus together.

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