Thursday, July 26, 2012

I wanted to quit

I wanted to quit with the pain in my leg.

I wanted to quit when my foot hurt.

When a sinus infection made it difficult to breathe, I wanted to quit.

I wanted to quit because I was too tired.
I wanted to quit because of the heat.

When my life felt out of balance, I wanted to quit.
I wanted to quit because it was easier.

I just wanted to quit.
For about 3 months now, I have been training for the Bix. In two days (God willing), I will participate in this 7-mile run of hills. Many times over the past few months, I have wanted to quit for every reason you can think of. Just a week and a half ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. Crazy. I know. Who works that hard and quits just before the finish? Telling myself that perseverance builds character and I should run as one who gets the prize, I laced up my shoes and set out to finish what I started.

Earlier this week, I woke up with some crazy shooting pain in my tooth. I knew this wasn’t normal. Having just visited the dentist for a routine cleaning a month ago, however, this made no sense. With ibuprofen doing nothing for my pain, I called my dentist. As luck would have it, his office is closed this week. Equipped with a number for the dentist covering for him, I was hopeful the pain would pass. It didn’t. To make a long story short, I was in need of an emergency root canal.

Stressed out from forking out too much money for an air conditioner repair that morning, my emotions went whack. How were we going to pay for all this? Just last week, in a study of The Confident Heart by Renee Swope, I chose to focus on the truth of two of God’s names: “Jehovah Jireh” which means my provider and “Emmanuel” which means God with us. It was unlikely that this was just a coincidence.

Sitting in the chair, waiting with Novocain numbing the entire side of my mouth and face, I prayed in an effort to calm my soul. My arms and legs shook with anxiety. I hate to wait. My thoughts were difficult to reign in. It’s always the moments leading up to the event that wreak havoc with my mind. Whether a root canal or race day.
After giving it all to God, anxiety still threatened to rule my emotions. Peace won out. Had it been any other day, I wouldn’t have had the freedom to jump from one appointment to the next in an effort to remedy my pain. Friends and family were readily available to help with my kids. The Endodontist was able to complete the procedure in one appointment. Insurance will cover most of it. We have a savings account for the rest. Was I willing to trust that God is who He says He is or not? Did I believe Jehovah Jireh would provide and that through it all He was with me as Emmanuel?

Pain possibly unrelated to the root canal has me on Amoxicillin in hopes of a pain-free run come Saturday. I’m tempted to allow frustration to rule. Worry threatens to consume me.

The truth is that I can give all [my] worries and cares to God, for he cares about [me]. (I Peter 5:7 NLT)

I am able to trust in the Lord with all [my] heart and lean not on [my] own understanding; in all [my] ways submit to Him, and He will make [my] paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I know that the Lord goes with [me]; He will never leave [me] nor forsake [me]. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

[God’s] grace is sufficient for [me], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The last thing I want is to have all my hard work in training for this race end because of some silly pain in my mouth. I may be unable to complete this race with the effort I had hoped for. This pain is out of my control and may possibly make it difficult for me to run The Bix at my very best. However, I will choose to allow this situation to draw me closer to my God. As churchy as it may sound, I know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. (Romans 8:28 NLT)

I just don’t want to quit.

2 comments:

  1. Olympian Athletes and Professional Athletes pump themselves full of secret chemicals and have strictly trained their whole lives without distractions since the age of 4. Of course they win a lot and get noticed. Tristi is my true athletic hero. She balances the battles and responsibilites of life and still runs the race. I am so proud of her.

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  2. Aren't you sweet? You always have the best stuff to say before a race. On another note, maybe these drugs I'm on will do good things for my body. Thanks for helping think a little differently about it!

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