Thursday, November 29, 2012

Dream Big (Permission Granted)

(Permission Granted)

These words appear on the gift of art that my friend gave to me. She followed that present with a journal prominently displaying a quote about dreams. “They scratch at your door… You think it might go away if you ignore it. Wrong. It’s still there when you open the door…”
I love to write. It clears my mind. My soul is uplifted. Scrambled thoughts somehow are organized through the written word. That’s why I blog. I say it doesn’t matter if anyone reads it. If for no other reason than the healing this avenue does for my heart, I continue on.

But my friend knows me well enough to encourage the dream that sits waiting for me. For the longest time, it has been safely on a shelf. Beautiful to observe yet waiting for just the right opportunity to reach out and prominently display it for others. Never have I dared to touch it though. Fear of knocking it down from its place of importance only to watch it shatter into pieces has kept me at a distance.
I watch people who have a platform to encourage other women in deepening their relationship with God and find myself pining. My heart longs for the opportunity to spur others on toward love and good deeds. However, real life always gets in the way allowing me to easily shrug off my dreams.

My perceived reality exposes a high school diploma with no higher education to follow. I have no bachelors or masters or PHD to brag about. My oldest is still in grade school with two others behind her. My calling is here in my home. Did I mention that I can’t even keep my house clean? How would God ever entrust me with more when I’m not even faithful with the little things? These are only a few of the excuses that play through my mind debilitating any fantasies of a platform God may have for me.
When my church announced that we would be having a women’s retreat, my mind soared with visions of being a part of something so big on such a small scale. (The big being God’s work in the hearts of women and the small being group size.) I made known my willingness to be involved in the event and didn’t just jump at the opportunity when it was offered to me at a later time. Was this just my desire to be on stage or did God have plans for me in this arena? After thought and prayer, I embraced speaking on the topic of friendships. This has been a subject God was currently working on in my own life.

While encouragement to pursue the speaking engagement came through many avenues, my heart was far from settled as the weekend approached. Sitting among friends who focused on prayer while children played in the background, I shared my fears in pursuing my dreams. To speak such truth has a way of tearing down walls.
While doubt continued to terrorize my mind in an effort to defeat me before I even took the platform, I embraced the encouragement of my friends and held tightly to the Truth. Like Moses, who doubted his ability to be used by the Lord, I could cling to the promise that God would be with me. Believing God prepared me for that night, I confidently presented God’s Blueprints for Friendships to a group of fifty some women (not as small of a group as I had originally envisioned).

My dream is now off the shelf and I’m sorting through the box. It’s time to investigate just how to incorporate this rare commodity into my everyday life. It’s kind of like setting the table with China every night. I don’t want to waste the beautiful gift but I must to be careful not to destroy it.
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this.” - Psalm 37:54-5

"A woman with a confident heart chooses to believe that God wants to make an impact through her life, and she looks for ways to let Him." - Renee Swope, A Confident Heart

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