Maybe what I'm looking for is all in the anticipation of Jesus. Maybe there is something to be said about Jesus' words in Matthew 18. "He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."
I need to quit making my list and checking it twice. My heart just needs to make room for Jesus... in the same unhindered way my children do. Then I might just find all that I've been frenziedly searching for.