Cling Tightly

“Cling tightly to the Lord your God as you have done until now.” These words sit in my mind and heart on Day 1 of Relentless (The Epic Story of a Hardhearted People, Their Warrior God and His Unstoppable Love). This very first day of an unexpected study has forced me to come face-to-face with emotions and thoughts I’d rather leave buried.

Unlike many participating in this study with Hello Mornings, I didn’t start my day with the Book of Judges. Since solitude is a soul exercise I am working to familiarize myself with, I waited until everyone was off to school and work for the day so I could be alone in the quiet. I pushed aside the to-do list. I resisted the urge to exchange shouts with the world and embraced whispers with God instead.

With my Bible open, God was welcomed access to my heart. I contemplated every question and participated fully by completing the timeline. As pain began to pang my heart when faced with my past, I welcomed it. God reminded me of Ezekiel 36:26 which He used once before to do a work in me. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

I sat and wrote about my emotions and past and present day. My mind kept recalling the dirty dishes and laundry; the walk I scheduled into my day; the agenda of the week. My heart begged for more of this moment. More God. More quiet. More disentangling the mess inside my soul. 

“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

Most days my life is full of noise. The kids wake up talking. Television numbs our minds. Technology distracts from our souls. My husband’s agenda doesn’t align with mine. Phones ring. Texts ping. Traffic. News. My mind is like a scrolling marquee of thoughts all day long.

Unless I am intentional, quiet and stillness will never enter my day.

I know that without solitude, the world and my mind obstruct my relationship with God. It is in solitude that I remember. All the distractions in this world make it easy to forget what God has done in my life. I wonder if that’s what happened to Israel.

“After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things He had done for Israel.” – Judges 2:10

The people of Israel were to remember all the mighty things God had done for them. God commanded them to talk about them often. Their children were to be reminded of the great things He had done. Yet they forget God. They didn’t remember that He had parted the Red Sea; that He brought them into the Promised Land; that He is the Giver of all good things.

The same happens to me and it’s why I must practice solitude. The shouts of the world are too loud and too accessible. Wake up in the morning and turn on the television. Get out of bed and check Facebook or other social media. Answer texts. Return phone calls. Demands. Demands. Demands. It’s a world of shouting that doesn’t welcome God.

Through Relentless this morning, I was reminded not only to welcome God into my day but to cling tightly to Him. Solitude is the best way for me personally to do this. Communication with God through His Word, the Bible, and prayer along with quiet rest. Are you in need of solitude so you can cling tightly to the Lord your God? 

You can get your copy of Relentless here or sign up with an accountability group here. I'd love to discuss what God is whispering to your heart as well! Let me know by commenting below. 

"If the world was perfect, why did you let it change?"

The other day as Nikelle (almost 13) was doing her homework, she mentioned her assignment to me. I'm supposed to think of a question that I would want to ask God if I were sitting on a bench with Him. Then I am supposed to write what I think His response would be.

Honestly, I was a little nervous for her. I remember speaking up about my relationship with God when I was in school and the responses were not always encouraging. Still, I was curious to see what she would write. 

Today she needed to memorize her piece because her teacher liked it so much. She is going to recite it with some other kids in her grade. (I guess I didn't listen all that well to what this was about.)

I asked her if I could share it because I love her heart. I love that she doesn't taste fear yet in sharing thoughts about God. I think it's an example to the rest of us.

The first line is her question to God and the remainder is what she believes God's response would be in answer to her question.

"If the world was perfect, why did you let it change?"

I wanted something precious to treasure,

something for pleasure.

When I looked down from above,

I wanted to see something I love.

When I made my creation,

I wanted it to be something I could have faith in.

I created the light, the dark,

living things, even tree bark.

When the world was unblemished

I was almost finished.

So I set down some rules

so that my creation wasn't full of fools.

Everything was fine,

so purely divine.

Until sin stepped in my way,

that horrible day.

She took a bite,

he did the same without a fight.

Things were no longer perfect

I couldn't even look at it

Ever since the serpent said lies to her face,

what a disgrace

I couldn't talk to imperfection

even thought it was in my direction

So I sent them out

I had to leave them without a doubt

My perfect sparking gem

Well, let's just say it was no longer them.

Now I give everyone a choice

so that they can use their voice.

They can say "I will follow"

or they can continue to wallow

There is one way to be perfect again

Just listen, obey my commands and then

I'll wash your darkness away

so that you can come into my home and stay

Everything will be completely okay

just like my perfect world that was destroyed that day.

Fresh Start in Parenting

I'm linking up today with Jill Savage for the Hearts at Home Blog Hop, "Third Thursday Thoughts". Check out what other moms are saying on the topic, "Unleash your Power to Start Fresh" at Jill's blog.

Have I truly equipped her to face all the ugly in this world?

Will she make the decision to love God and live in grateful response to all He’s done for her?

How will she handle adolescence?

Why doesn’t she want to talk to me?

What if she makes choices that ruin her life?

She’s the firstborn, so we’ll likely screw her up the worst.

My mind was constantly flooded with worry for my oldest daughter, in particular. I so desperately want to protect her; shelter her… I was overwhelmed with the responsibility I was given and I was trying to control the circumstances until God broke in.

Just over a year ago, my daughter and I crossed the finish line for her first 5K. We weren’t breaking any records. She hasn’t stepped foot out the door to run since. But we spent time together and in that moment, God spoke to my heart about the importance of quality time. More than anything, my daughter just wants to “be” with me.

I’m so grateful for the couch to 5K program and our time together because it taught me a lesson… It’s never too late to start. As fear overwhelmed my heart on my daughter’s future, I thought what was done was done. It’s not easy to change the way you parents after 11 years, but I did.

Parenting has a way of enlightening one’s self to their own selfishness… and I am the queen. It was a year prior to our race that my daughter first asked to run with me. I made excuses and didn’t let her. Running was my thing and I didn’t want to be interrupted. What I learned is that my daughter is a gift; not an interruption.

It’s really an ugly thing to stand face-to-face with your own ego. My life has been so self-centered for so long that I wasn’t even honest about it.

That’s why we finally did the couch to 5K. I told myself I wouldn’t waste the opportunity… and I’m so glad we did it… even if she isn’t interesting in completing any in the future.

Currently, I’m not running any races either. I’m adjusting to this new stage of parenting. There are only a handful of short years left before my oldest becomes an adult, That means more hard conversations... Uncomfortable talks are avoided until I think I can’t put them off any longer. I’m learning this dance with her of pressing for answers when necessary and giving her the freedom she needs to grow into herself.

I’ve quit trying to control the circumstances. There are times my husband and I tell her that we are not comfortable saying “yes” even though we grant permission anyway. We are trying to instill Truth in her so she will learn to ask questions for herself. Most importantly, we are realizing this is her life. It’s her relationship with God. He is the one writing her story and a little failure may be part of her growth.

I thought parenting was all about protecting my children. God is showing me that it is more about equipping them than anything. I have zero control over their tomorrow.

The best thing in all of this? His mercies are new every morning. I feel like I screw up this parenting gig quite often. Each day, however, brings new beginnings.

We may step on each other’s toes a bit as we learn this dance… but in the end, we’ll be grateful we did it. The mother-daughter relationship is a beautiful thing and I’m so grateful I get to watch her blossom into the women God created her to be.

Who knows... maybe we'll both work on the couch to 5K together again. Each day is the opportunity for a fresh start, right?

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3

One of the tools I’m currently looking forward to is Dr. Kathy Koch’s new book, Screens and Teens:  Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World (March release). This is a new area for us explore together and I’m so thankful for the tools to equip me to equip her.