Our outlook on the circumstances in our life can completely alter our day. Yesterday, I had one of those days that every mom (and human being for that matter) can relate to.
I woke up to be greeted shortly by Jaycie’s all too familiar screaming. No idea what is wrong with the child other than the fact that she is her mother’s daughter and knows how to scream – loud. The only thing that would comfort her was Papa and Gaga videos. She loves to sit and watch home videos. Of course, that allows me just minutes to get something accomplished before I am beckoned to join her on the sofa with her on my lap. I just succumbed to the fact that it would be some quality time for the both of us (not to mention I take any excuse to sit on my rear end.) Sitting with her only comforts her until the moment she decides she would really rather stand. Correction: she would really rather I stand and hold her. I agreed to that until she threw her head into my mouth and gave me a fat lip. At that point, I just put her in the pack-and-play and went up to the bathroom to cry.
Thankfully, it was soon time to take Nike to school and naptime always coincides. Making my way back downstairs to feed them lunch, I found my two-year-old asleep where I left her. Now what? Do I wake her up so I can have the scheduled time-out I desired or leave her sleep so I don’t have to listen to her scream? I decided to wake her up and listen to her yell.
Jumping into the van to take Nikelle to school, we pulled into the parking lot just shy of the start time. As I hopped out to get the girls out of Rod’s van (I was lucky enough to have possession of it this day), I noticed the flat tire on the rear of the driver’s side. Not just low on air but completely flat. I had to be driving on the rim. Trying to fight off tears and listen to a woman who was kindly offering her assistance, I listened to my oldest daughter’s command, “C’mon, Mom. We’re going to be late.” Everything in me wanted to just go home and crawl into bed.
A friend of mine was kind enough to take Jaycie and I home as I awaited instructions from Rod about his van. After talking to him, I was to wait for him to get home. This required calling in yet another favor from my sister as I had a dentist appointment in the afternoon. I couldn’t stop my mind racing ahead to the following day and my full schedule that awaited me…without a vehicle?
Hindsight allows me to see things in a different light. We’ve had a concern about the breaks on Rod’s van for some time now and this very well could have been God’s way of keeping us safe. (Especially considering this was a specific request Rod had asked of God.) The timing of finding the flat tire allowed me to make alternative plans to get to the dentist (as I would have normally walked Nike to school and not found out until just a couple hours prior to my appointment). It was also good to see the way I am surrounded by people who will lend assistance. How often to I try to just tackle everything in my life on my own?
As to how my outlook can effect my entire day – things tend to snowball as we allow frustration, disappointment and anger to envelop us. I really was looking forward to running some errands prior to the dentist without children and was allowing myself to focus on that rather than look at what could be going on outside of that.
Was this flat tire just another obstacle in my life or an opportunity for God to remind me that He is well in control of every aspect of my every day?
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Marathon Completed!
This weekend, my sister-in-law, Fiona, and I took a road trip to Indianapolis, Indiana. We had one thing in mind and that was to complete a marathon we had trained so hard for in the past 6 months.
We awoke Saturday morning to beautiful weather which was quite the contrast to the 90* heat index we had for the Chicago Marathon. Our goal would not be cut short due to the weather, of that it seemed certain. As we headed to the starting line, it was obvious that this was a much smaller scale marathon in comparison. The mood was more of a training morning as we anxiously awaited the start of the race.
A giant-size American Flag hung at the starting line as the race commenced with our country’s National Anthem. There was an entirely different sentiment at the start of this 26.2-mile course at the Historic Fort Benjamin Harrison U.S. Army Post.
Around Mile 8, we were reminded of the many hurdles endurance athletes face. Fiona’s IT Band required her to speed walk rather than continue with our 6:2 run/walk strategy. Shortly after, she assured me she would persevere to the finish line and encouraged me to press on and meet her there. With her assurance, I continued with the strategy towards the finish.
At mile 12.5, many of the participants went to the finish line as they were only in it for the mini (half) marathon as we kept going straight for the duration of the 26.2 miles. We ran through one of the State parks where Autumn was displayed by beautifully colored leaves on trees as well as decorating the ground.
It was a lonely race in many places as spectators were scarce – another contrast to our Chicago experience. Any encouragement came from other runners as I, in turn, tried to encourage them, which gave inspiration to continue on.
Mile 21 was the point I began to feel muscle fatigue and tightness in my legs. I told myself that I’ve asked Dad to persevere and my pain does not even compare with what he is enduring. I would press on no matter what.
Prayer was my tool to get me to the finish line. As I prayed for Fiona, Dad, and many others in my life, along with myself, my body continued to move forward mile after mile. At mile 24, I was anxiously anticipating the finish line. There were few runners as my strides continued. Even still, I was pushing my body to miles it had never been before and in a timeframe I was happy with.
I crossed the finish line just minutes after 5 hours. Completion. It was for so many reasons: My dad; Rod’s dad; My own personal satisfaction; Those who donated money to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; Everyone who gave their support through friendship and prayer. Mainly, at this point, it was something I needed to prove to myself. I wanted to know that I could complete a marathon. That I did, and by my 30th birthday, too. It’s a goal I thank God for giving me the strength to accomplish. This training has given me something positive to focus on through my dads’ battles with cancer.
As I left for Indiana Friday afternoon, Rod had placed a note on my front seat. On it, he had written Hebrews 12:1: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Verse 2 goes on to say, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” This is how I got through those final miles.
Thank you to each of you for supporting me in this endeavor. Over $2,000 was raised to find a cure for blood diseases through my journey alone. More than $2.5 million was raised through the Chicago Marathon event. Research has come such a long way and still has such a long way to go. Thank you for being a part of improving the lives of all blood cancer patients.
We awoke Saturday morning to beautiful weather which was quite the contrast to the 90* heat index we had for the Chicago Marathon. Our goal would not be cut short due to the weather, of that it seemed certain. As we headed to the starting line, it was obvious that this was a much smaller scale marathon in comparison. The mood was more of a training morning as we anxiously awaited the start of the race.
A giant-size American Flag hung at the starting line as the race commenced with our country’s National Anthem. There was an entirely different sentiment at the start of this 26.2-mile course at the Historic Fort Benjamin Harrison U.S. Army Post.
Around Mile 8, we were reminded of the many hurdles endurance athletes face. Fiona’s IT Band required her to speed walk rather than continue with our 6:2 run/walk strategy. Shortly after, she assured me she would persevere to the finish line and encouraged me to press on and meet her there. With her assurance, I continued with the strategy towards the finish.
At mile 12.5, many of the participants went to the finish line as they were only in it for the mini (half) marathon as we kept going straight for the duration of the 26.2 miles. We ran through one of the State parks where Autumn was displayed by beautifully colored leaves on trees as well as decorating the ground.
It was a lonely race in many places as spectators were scarce – another contrast to our Chicago experience. Any encouragement came from other runners as I, in turn, tried to encourage them, which gave inspiration to continue on.
Mile 21 was the point I began to feel muscle fatigue and tightness in my legs. I told myself that I’ve asked Dad to persevere and my pain does not even compare with what he is enduring. I would press on no matter what.
Prayer was my tool to get me to the finish line. As I prayed for Fiona, Dad, and many others in my life, along with myself, my body continued to move forward mile after mile. At mile 24, I was anxiously anticipating the finish line. There were few runners as my strides continued. Even still, I was pushing my body to miles it had never been before and in a timeframe I was happy with.
I crossed the finish line just minutes after 5 hours. Completion. It was for so many reasons: My dad; Rod’s dad; My own personal satisfaction; Those who donated money to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; Everyone who gave their support through friendship and prayer. Mainly, at this point, it was something I needed to prove to myself. I wanted to know that I could complete a marathon. That I did, and by my 30th birthday, too. It’s a goal I thank God for giving me the strength to accomplish. This training has given me something positive to focus on through my dads’ battles with cancer.
As I left for Indiana Friday afternoon, Rod had placed a note on my front seat. On it, he had written Hebrews 12:1: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Verse 2 goes on to say, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” This is how I got through those final miles.
Thank you to each of you for supporting me in this endeavor. Over $2,000 was raised to find a cure for blood diseases through my journey alone. More than $2.5 million was raised through the Chicago Marathon event. Research has come such a long way and still has such a long way to go. Thank you for being a part of improving the lives of all blood cancer patients.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Life with a Remote Control
I would love to live life with a remote control. It would be so nice to press one of the many buttons at different times in life. I would like to rewind for my mistakes or moments I didn’t cherish like I should have at the time. I’d like to press the stop button when life gets overwhelming. The fast forward button would be nice so that I can know what is going to happen on the other side of different situations. The pause button would be extremely helpful during this current stage of life.
If I could just pause life as dad fights this battle with cancer that would certainly be nice. I could focus on him and spend time talking to him or helping him and then resume the rest of my life when he is healed. That’s just not the way life happens and I know I will grow because of it. At the same time, it doesn’t make it any easier to handle.
I’ve heard people talk about going through crises in their life and how it seems strange that everyone keeps on living life around them. Now I understand (somewhat) first hand what they were talking about. Even still, I, myself, am not fighting this battle. I’m certain Dad would love to pause everything so that at the end of this battle the grandkids haven’t grown and he hasn’t missed any special moments with them. If a pause button could be effective, he wouldn’t have to think about missing any holidays.
If live could be lived utilizing a remote control, what would it be like? Not much room for growing in the tough times, I’d assume.
“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:3-5
If I could just pause life as dad fights this battle with cancer that would certainly be nice. I could focus on him and spend time talking to him or helping him and then resume the rest of my life when he is healed. That’s just not the way life happens and I know I will grow because of it. At the same time, it doesn’t make it any easier to handle.
I’ve heard people talk about going through crises in their life and how it seems strange that everyone keeps on living life around them. Now I understand (somewhat) first hand what they were talking about. Even still, I, myself, am not fighting this battle. I’m certain Dad would love to pause everything so that at the end of this battle the grandkids haven’t grown and he hasn’t missed any special moments with them. If a pause button could be effective, he wouldn’t have to think about missing any holidays.
If live could be lived utilizing a remote control, what would it be like? Not much room for growing in the tough times, I’d assume.
“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:3-5
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A Fulfilling Run
One of the main reasons I enjoy running is because it allows me to clear my head. Getting on the treadmill by myself without the television or radio yesterday gave me a new experience that was quite fulfilling.
Recently, I’ve found it difficult to know how to pray. I just want to continue to pray over and over again for God to heal both my dad and Rod’s dad. It is such narrow-minded praying. I want my prayers to be deeper than this. I want to pray for others as I’m asking them to do for us.
Yesterday, I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I began praying for my grandparents and went through everyone in my family. I prayed for others in my life as well. With each one I prayed some specifics and also remembered the way Paul prayed for the different groups of people he wrote to. It was quite fulfilling to know that I didn’t just complete 30 minutes for my physical health but spiritually as well.
There are times I don’t know how to pray and I use The Lord’s Prayer. Then there are times that I allow song lyrics to be my prayer. My experience yesterday was deeply satisfying as I prayed specifics for others.
Whenever I run for any amount of time, I know it is beneficial for my health. However, it is so much more fulfilling and satisfying when I double that time by spending it in prayer.
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." - Colossians 4:2
Recently, I’ve found it difficult to know how to pray. I just want to continue to pray over and over again for God to heal both my dad and Rod’s dad. It is such narrow-minded praying. I want my prayers to be deeper than this. I want to pray for others as I’m asking them to do for us.
Yesterday, I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I began praying for my grandparents and went through everyone in my family. I prayed for others in my life as well. With each one I prayed some specifics and also remembered the way Paul prayed for the different groups of people he wrote to. It was quite fulfilling to know that I didn’t just complete 30 minutes for my physical health but spiritually as well.
There are times I don’t know how to pray and I use The Lord’s Prayer. Then there are times that I allow song lyrics to be my prayer. My experience yesterday was deeply satisfying as I prayed specifics for others.
Whenever I run for any amount of time, I know it is beneficial for my health. However, it is so much more fulfilling and satisfying when I double that time by spending it in prayer.
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." - Colossians 4:2
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Hope I'm Holding To
When I received the news yesterday about my Dad, we had not yet heard about the potential clinical study. My first reaction was to lose all hope and cry. I had too much to get done and my little girls see me crying all the time. I fought off my emotions and told myself I could deal with the news later after Nike was at school and Jaycie was napping.
I got on the treadmill after they were both settled and the words from the following song kept running through my mind. I am so grateful to know that my hope is in the Lord. Without Him, I just don't see how getting through all this would be possible.
What have I in this life
But the love in Your eyes
This empty world will one day fade
Only Your truth will remain
Jesus, all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to
I might weep but still my faith rests in You
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone
I got on the treadmill after they were both settled and the words from the following song kept running through my mind. I am so grateful to know that my hope is in the Lord. Without Him, I just don't see how getting through all this would be possible.
What have I in this life
But the love in Your eyes
This empty world will one day fade
Only Your truth will remain
Jesus, all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to
I might weep but still my faith rests in You
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)