We received a call eariler in the day today. The doctor recommended getting the family together. Rod's dad doesn't have much more time in this world.
Just returned from the hospital and an ambulence is now taking him home. This is where he's asked to be over and over again. Now I'm headed over there with the girls.
Once again, we have to say goodbye to someone we love. This life is hard and our hearts are breaking once again.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Current book read
I've decided to let potty training go to the wayside. She has not been cooperating. To be honest, I'm just not certain Jaycie gets it. I'm just going to wait until we have some consistent warm weather, no school schedule to maintain for Nikelle and then attempt once again. I still ask her to go but I'm no longer getting irritated because it's not a priority at the moment.
I'm also working on dealing with some of her little behavioral flaws. Throwing fits, for example. I picked a book off my shelf yesterday by Kevin Leman entitled Making children mind without losing yours. I believe my sister gave it to me as a gift a couple years ago. The author suggests placing the child alone in their room or walking away from them when they throw a fit. This way they learn there is no audience. I know this and thought I've even applied it. Yesterday and today have been much better days being certain of following this mindset. I just finished telling her what a good girl she's been this morning. I thanked her for being a "big" girl. Her response was to smile and laugh showing me she completely understands.
So many things to continue working on. Nike told Jay yesterday that she was going to "punch her in the face" after she crumpled one of her papers she colored. It's the influence of those friends on the outside that I have to explain I will take away if I hear that kind of threat again. Thinking back, I believe my immediate response was "I'll beat your butt if I hear you say that again." I don't think that my threat encourages her to discontinue hers. Especially considering the emptiness of it in that I've never spanked her. That's when I began to discuss her responsibility as the big sister and the influence of her friends.
I really like the title of this book. I often feel as though I'm losing my mind. If I can get them to obey and behave while keeping what little of my mind is left intact, we'll be doing well.
I'm also working on dealing with some of her little behavioral flaws. Throwing fits, for example. I picked a book off my shelf yesterday by Kevin Leman entitled Making children mind without losing yours. I believe my sister gave it to me as a gift a couple years ago. The author suggests placing the child alone in their room or walking away from them when they throw a fit. This way they learn there is no audience. I know this and thought I've even applied it. Yesterday and today have been much better days being certain of following this mindset. I just finished telling her what a good girl she's been this morning. I thanked her for being a "big" girl. Her response was to smile and laugh showing me she completely understands.
So many things to continue working on. Nike told Jay yesterday that she was going to "punch her in the face" after she crumpled one of her papers she colored. It's the influence of those friends on the outside that I have to explain I will take away if I hear that kind of threat again. Thinking back, I believe my immediate response was "I'll beat your butt if I hear you say that again." I don't think that my threat encourages her to discontinue hers. Especially considering the emptiness of it in that I've never spanked her. That's when I began to discuss her responsibility as the big sister and the influence of her friends.
I really like the title of this book. I often feel as though I'm losing my mind. If I can get them to obey and behave while keeping what little of my mind is left intact, we'll be doing well.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Cancer - all too familiar
Cancer. Lymphoma. Leukemia. Radiation. Chemotherapy. These are all words that have become all too familiar to our household.
Yesterday afternoon, a friend of mine called to inform me that her husband has been diagnosed with Hodgkins disease - lymphoma. It's not Non-Hodgkins like my dad had. That should make it more curable. Still, hearing the diagnosis of lymphoma, especially after watching my dad's last year of life is difficult. I cannot even fathom the emotions that our friends must be experiencing at this moment.
I cannot understand what they are going through. To have your husband diagnosed especially in the season where you have little kids at home is just downright lousy. Life has now been turned upside down for them. I have no advice. There's none to give. All I can do is be part of a support system they will so desperately need now.
It just seems like there is cancer everywhere I turn. Someone is fighting at a different level at a different stage of life everywhere I look. Honestly, I just don't understand anything anymore. I know God is God. I know He can still do miracles. I know He still loves us. Still, I'm fighting to understand how anything fits together anymore. That's what I told my friend. I know cancer was not God's plan. Cancer is part of the fall of man. It doesn't make it any easier to accept or understand why God doesn't stop it. Even so, we can only imagine that because it is not part of His plan, that it must break His heart when we experience this sort of pain.
I long more for heaven and the way God intended things to be more every day. This life here on earth is downright exhausting. For me, it's just a mound of confusion and pain. I'm really struggling to find the joy in all of this. Yet I will continue to seek God because I know He is holding us through it all and the worst thing for us would be to just turn our backs on Him.
Yesterday afternoon, a friend of mine called to inform me that her husband has been diagnosed with Hodgkins disease - lymphoma. It's not Non-Hodgkins like my dad had. That should make it more curable. Still, hearing the diagnosis of lymphoma, especially after watching my dad's last year of life is difficult. I cannot even fathom the emotions that our friends must be experiencing at this moment.
I cannot understand what they are going through. To have your husband diagnosed especially in the season where you have little kids at home is just downright lousy. Life has now been turned upside down for them. I have no advice. There's none to give. All I can do is be part of a support system they will so desperately need now.
It just seems like there is cancer everywhere I turn. Someone is fighting at a different level at a different stage of life everywhere I look. Honestly, I just don't understand anything anymore. I know God is God. I know He can still do miracles. I know He still loves us. Still, I'm fighting to understand how anything fits together anymore. That's what I told my friend. I know cancer was not God's plan. Cancer is part of the fall of man. It doesn't make it any easier to accept or understand why God doesn't stop it. Even so, we can only imagine that because it is not part of His plan, that it must break His heart when we experience this sort of pain.
I long more for heaven and the way God intended things to be more every day. This life here on earth is downright exhausting. For me, it's just a mound of confusion and pain. I'm really struggling to find the joy in all of this. Yet I will continue to seek God because I know He is holding us through it all and the worst thing for us would be to just turn our backs on Him.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dad Carlson Update 5-12-08
My father-in-law did not get to go home yesterday. Doctors want to perform more tests to see why his mind is not operating as it should. Today, things seem even worse. It's a hard reality to accept.
In the 2 1/2 months since my own dad left this world, Rod's dad has had a rough time. It's difficult to wait on reports from doctors. Frustrating because we don't know what is going on. At the same time, we realize that cancer is very unpredictible and the side effects that go along with it.
Right now, his dad is consuming our minds in a very familiar way. We are realistic and yet hopeful as we face the future.
In the 2 1/2 months since my own dad left this world, Rod's dad has had a rough time. It's difficult to wait on reports from doctors. Frustrating because we don't know what is going on. At the same time, we realize that cancer is very unpredictible and the side effects that go along with it.
Right now, his dad is consuming our minds in a very familiar way. We are realistic and yet hopeful as we face the future.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day 2008
This year, my Mother's Day started around 11:30 p.m. the night before. My two-and-a-half-year-old woke up crying. This has been a continual habit that I can no longer tolerate. I am desperate for some nights of uninterrupted sleep. Especially because I know that hope will be gone in just a few short months when my third child is due. After already attending to her a few times previously, the sound of crying "Mommy!" just sent me over the edge. I took her out of her bed and placed her in bed with my husband. I exlaimed (as any tired pregnant control-freak mother would; I'll leave the details to your imagination) that I was going to sleep with my oldest daughter and leaving the youngest there for him to attend to. I heard her wake up numerous more times throughout the night. Thankfully, my husband attended to her and I was able to sleep fairly soundly in the other room.
The alarm was set for 6:00 a.m. to get out the door in time to pick up my mom for breakfast and a day at the zoo. As I heard the wind and rain pounding outside, I knew immediately that the predicted weather reports were right for once and we were going nowhere. Oh, well. With a busy day previously, I was actually quite fine with just starting the morning slowly at home. I continued to sleep in until almost 8:00 a.m. with my oldest daughter (a gift in and of itself as she is normally an early riser).
We came downstairs where I expected my husband to be with the youngest but realized she was still sleeping soundly (another gift). So far, Mother's Day wasn't off to a terrible start.
My husband gave me a movie I will enjoy relaxing too. My kindergartener brought in the "surprise" she had made for me at school. I opened my "Wow. Mom." card which stated "Happy Mather's Day. To Tristi. From Nikelle." in her phonetic spelling. There is something sweet about receiving one of the first gifts to come from her heart. Then I opened the gift she was so excited to give. It was a pillow that she stuffed with the words "World's Greatest Mom" on both sides. I truthfully told her that it was the best gift I ever received. Considering my love for sleep, a movie and a pillow were wonderful gifts.
I called my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. We talked for quite a while and I informed her that we'd likely head over to her place later in the day. Once I hung up with her, my husband heard our youngest awaken and went to get her. Awaiting their return from upstairs, I thought "this has been a good start to this Mother's Day despite our change of plans." When he brought our youngest down, her face was covered with snot. Her eyes were watery and she looked like she may have a fever. Great. A sick child on Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to me!
My husband called his mom to give her Mother's Day wishes and advise her of our change of plans. After an extended stay in the hospital due to a blood infection on top of the leukemia he is fighting, his dad was informed yesterday that he should be able to go home today. So the rain assisted in making my husband available to help in any way needed with transporting his dad home. After speaking to his mother, there was concern about the hospital staff wanting to move his father to the dimensia ward. The pain medication his dad was given after having the old port removed (where the infection likely originated) and the new one inserted has effected his mind. This was not a surprise by any means. The pain medication has created this problem in the past and yesterday, his dad was well aware that he was not thinking right. I encouraged my husband to take a shower and get over to the hospital to be with his dad. Coming to the realization that this day was not going to be anything like I had hoped, I watched my husband walk out the door to be with his dad.
My sick little girl no longer needed to be held as the medicine finally kicked in. So, I decided to get breakfast ready. Heading to the bathroom first, I noticed that my oldest forgot to flush the toilet. Or so I thought. When I flushed the handle, I quickly realized that my day would now have plunging the toilet added to the list. Lovely.
Mother's Day is supposed to be a day to celebrate mom. A day for her to relax and be catered to. Or so that's what we hear from Hallmark. I suppose this Mother's Day I am doing exactly what I am supposed to. Taking care of my girls and supporting my husband in this rough reality of life we are facing.
Our lives seem to revolve around our kids and cancer patients right now. "Take time for yourself." "Take time to invest in your marriage." These are all great words of advice. Ones I would strongly agree with. Still, good words of advice are not always easy to apply. This season of our lives just doesn't seem to cooperate so well with our desires. Which makes me think. What will life be like once this third child enters the world? Especially when our lives are already faced with so many demands?
To all you moms out there whose day didn't go exactly as planned, you're not alone. What better way to acknowledge Mother's Day then to thrive in motherhood itself! And let's not forget, "this too shall pass"!
The alarm was set for 6:00 a.m. to get out the door in time to pick up my mom for breakfast and a day at the zoo. As I heard the wind and rain pounding outside, I knew immediately that the predicted weather reports were right for once and we were going nowhere. Oh, well. With a busy day previously, I was actually quite fine with just starting the morning slowly at home. I continued to sleep in until almost 8:00 a.m. with my oldest daughter (a gift in and of itself as she is normally an early riser).
We came downstairs where I expected my husband to be with the youngest but realized she was still sleeping soundly (another gift). So far, Mother's Day wasn't off to a terrible start.
My husband gave me a movie I will enjoy relaxing too. My kindergartener brought in the "surprise" she had made for me at school. I opened my "Wow. Mom." card which stated "Happy Mather's Day. To Tristi. From Nikelle." in her phonetic spelling. There is something sweet about receiving one of the first gifts to come from her heart. Then I opened the gift she was so excited to give. It was a pillow that she stuffed with the words "World's Greatest Mom" on both sides. I truthfully told her that it was the best gift I ever received. Considering my love for sleep, a movie and a pillow were wonderful gifts.
I called my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. We talked for quite a while and I informed her that we'd likely head over to her place later in the day. Once I hung up with her, my husband heard our youngest awaken and went to get her. Awaiting their return from upstairs, I thought "this has been a good start to this Mother's Day despite our change of plans." When he brought our youngest down, her face was covered with snot. Her eyes were watery and she looked like she may have a fever. Great. A sick child on Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to me!
My husband called his mom to give her Mother's Day wishes and advise her of our change of plans. After an extended stay in the hospital due to a blood infection on top of the leukemia he is fighting, his dad was informed yesterday that he should be able to go home today. So the rain assisted in making my husband available to help in any way needed with transporting his dad home. After speaking to his mother, there was concern about the hospital staff wanting to move his father to the dimensia ward. The pain medication his dad was given after having the old port removed (where the infection likely originated) and the new one inserted has effected his mind. This was not a surprise by any means. The pain medication has created this problem in the past and yesterday, his dad was well aware that he was not thinking right. I encouraged my husband to take a shower and get over to the hospital to be with his dad. Coming to the realization that this day was not going to be anything like I had hoped, I watched my husband walk out the door to be with his dad.
My sick little girl no longer needed to be held as the medicine finally kicked in. So, I decided to get breakfast ready. Heading to the bathroom first, I noticed that my oldest forgot to flush the toilet. Or so I thought. When I flushed the handle, I quickly realized that my day would now have plunging the toilet added to the list. Lovely.
Mother's Day is supposed to be a day to celebrate mom. A day for her to relax and be catered to. Or so that's what we hear from Hallmark. I suppose this Mother's Day I am doing exactly what I am supposed to. Taking care of my girls and supporting my husband in this rough reality of life we are facing.
Our lives seem to revolve around our kids and cancer patients right now. "Take time for yourself." "Take time to invest in your marriage." These are all great words of advice. Ones I would strongly agree with. Still, good words of advice are not always easy to apply. This season of our lives just doesn't seem to cooperate so well with our desires. Which makes me think. What will life be like once this third child enters the world? Especially when our lives are already faced with so many demands?
To all you moms out there whose day didn't go exactly as planned, you're not alone. What better way to acknowledge Mother's Day then to thrive in motherhood itself! And let's not forget, "this too shall pass"!
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