Disappointing Thank You

I had a disappointment yesterday that made me reevaluate my life. It was nothing overly dramatic. Just something that required action in a territory I really hadn't experienced yet. It pained my heart and brought joy to my heart all at the same time.

My daughter did something she didn't want to tell me about. However, she did tell me. It was difficult for her. I could see that right away. Something inside me told me it was extremely important to encourage her to talk to me. At the same time, I needed to protect this special gift of trust she was relying on.

"I don't want to tell you."
"I'm scared I'll get in trouble."
"I won't do it next time."
"I didn't think it was a good idea."
"I know it wasn't appropriate."

All of this was being said by my little girl prior to her divulging information. I knew I had to take careful guard of her heart. She was entering shaky territory. She knew she needed to tell the truth but at the same time did not want to be punished. I assured her she was not in trouble as I stepped onto the thin ice with her.

She ended up sharing all the details and I had to fight back tears. I was disappointed in my daughter. Not just her, but in myself as well. I had not taught my daughter the importance of this topic. I overlooked her need to be educated.

I sent her upstairs to get ready for bed. As I cried. Gaining my composure, I approached the stairs to her room. And I prayed. I prayed that God would help me to handle this situation appropriately.

I talked with her more and was amazed at how God gave me the right words to say. Earlier that morning, Nikelle was asking me the meaning of her name. I told her it meant "victorious"; "winner". I was able to use this to tell her that she needs to remember that she is victorious and winners make choices that honor God - even if they have to do it alone.

After we tucked the girls in bed last night, it was time to reevaluate. Parenting is such a huge responsibility. God has entrusted these little ones to our care. Rod and I are realizing there will be a lot of times where we will tread out onto rough waters not knowing how things will turn out. Nikelle is our first and we will make mistakes. Thankfully, this mistake is not life altering. Thankfully, this encourages us to talk more to our girls about a wider variety of topics. It encourages me to get into my Bible and pray for creativity in teaching the girls about God's plan for their lives.

Today, I'm thankful for disappointments because they require me to take a step back, think and respond. Without disappointments, I might go on my merry way never taking the time to reevaluate and change.

"Thank you, Lord, for disappointments that bring me closer to you."

Thank You 16

The sunrise.
The sunset.
A smile.
Beauty of Creation.
Light.
Colors.
A snowfall.
A rainbow.
Children playing.
A loved one's face.
The next step in front of me.

These are all things I can see which I often take for granted.

The other day I was looking through Nikelle's homework during the week of the presidential election. I happened to be on the telephone with a good friend at the time when I busted out laughing. This is what I read:

"John McCain likes to go hikeing. Barack Obama likes baskitball. I vote for John McCain because he fithged in a Whore and he thingks babys shode Not be Cillded When they are born."

Just in case you didn't catch it, John McCain fighted in a war, not a whore.

Our little girl does a fairly decent job spelling phonetically. This, however, is one for the scrapbooks. It just wouldn't have been the same without the gift of sight.

Thank you, Lord, for all the wonderful things I can see because you allow me to see them with my own eyes.

November 15th - Thank You

I received a call from my friend the other day. She informed me that her neighbor's son passed away. He was only six-years-old. He battled Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. (If it sounds familiar, that's because Dad's body was attacked by the same cancer.) She gave me the link to a website documenting his battle with cancer.


A few weeks ago, I heard that my brother's neighbor was killed in a motorcycle accident. He left behind three little girls under the age of six-years-old as well as a wife who was expecting their fourth child at any moment. Doctors induced her shortly after and she gave birth to another little girl. These little ones will grow up without their daddy. This wife and mom has no choice but to go it alone.

My heart breaks in both of these situations. I can identify with them as they both share in my stage of life. I find myself thanking God for my kids and my husband. All the things that create stress and build up in my life don't seem nearly as terrible when news like this comes to the surface.

I can hug my kids and kiss my husband. I can wake up in the middle of the night to care for a nursing baby, a child who wants her mommy, or a first grader who has had a nightmare. I can make dinner for my husband and wash his clothes. I can see their smiles, laugh together and receive and give hugs.

I'm certain I'll get caught up in the rat race of life again and be tempted to forget what a privilege I have each and every day. These reminders will always surround me. Every moment is a gift. There is no promise of tomorrow.

"Thank you, Lord, for a change of perspective."

Thank You - November 14th

I love that I am the one who gets to take my daughter to and from the bus stop. I love that I can do her homework with her and hear about her day when she gets home.

I love that I am in charge of meals, bathtime and naptime. I get to play with puzzles and go on play dates.

I love that I get to see all of the "firsts". Their first smile, first laugh, first time rolling over, first step. It's a privilege to be a part of my girls' lives.

There was a time where I thought I would want to work when I had kids. I had a decent job that I was good at. Knowing this, there was a feeling of satisfaction in a job well done where people depended on me.

Thankfully, God changed my heart. By the time we were pregnant with Nikelle, I found my job stressful - over the top. I quit with no regrets.

Just to be sure I didn't have any regrets, I had the opportunity to fill in one week while I was pregnant with Jaycie. That was followed up with a job offer after Jaycie was born.

It was completely satisfying to say, "As long as I have the privilege of staying home, I will. I don't need to work and I am grateful for that."

I realize we are blessed that Rod has a job where I can stay home with the girls. There are things we have to deny ourselves and we have to watch our money. All in all, it's worth it.

"Thank you, Lord, that I can be a stay-at-home mom!"

November 13th

I waited 20 minutes for the bus to come pick my daughter up for school yesterday. Thankfully, it wasn't all that cold in the morning. A substitute bus driver pulled up and I knew to prepare myself for the afternoon.

I told myself to be ready for a bit of a wait as I went to pick Nike up from the bus stop after school. The baby was in her crib sleeping and Jaycie was on the family room floor playing with puzzles. I bundled up, leashed the dog and went to wait.

After 10 minutes, I began to pray that all was well with my oldest daughter as well as my little ones still inside the house. My mind began to create scenarios in my head. I could hear Ande screaming in my mind (she's a block away in a house without the windows open...I certainly couldn't really hear her). That led me to think about Jaycie deciding to take care of her and climbing up to see her in the crib. That would lead to problems and I just had to go back to praying.

I went back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I should ask my sister to go to the house and be with the little ones. After 20 minutes, I called my sister. She lives about a mile away. I asked her to go to my house because I can't be at the bus stop as well as in the house with the girls. In this cold weather, I'm not going to take the girls out to the bus stop with me. Besides, there is generally a 10 minute window I can count on and the girls are better of inside (usually sleeping). I knew my sister being with the little ones would calm my nerves a bit.

The same neighbor that came out the last time the bus was late, talked with me again. This helped time to pass a little more quickly and kept my mind from creating problems. We both agreed the now 30 minute wait was a bit ridiculous. As he went back into his house, I called the school. I figured it was about time to confirm the bus was late simply due to a substitute driver and not because of anything serious. That was confirmed.

Relief was mixed with fear and irritation. It's difficult to get one's emotions reigned in when the wait is 40 minutes long. The bus was over 40 minutes late when I saw it pass the street it was supposed to turn on to bring Nike home. I suppose that's what it had been doing all afternoon.

Once again, no apology came when those bus doors opened. I don't believe I smiled at the driver although I did smile at Nikelle. When it's all said and done, I'm just thankful she's safely home.

Today, I'm thankful for family. My sister is always ready to help when I need her. My brothers and our moms are the same way. Everyone is in fairly close proximity to one another. I have extended family nearby as well. It's nice to have a family support system. I know I am blessed to have them.

Oh, yeah. When I got home, Ande was still sleeping. Jaycie was still in the family room now accompanied by her cousin and Aunt. All was well.

"Thank you, Lord, for family."