Daddy's Girl

I have so many memories wrapped up in this holiday of Father’s Day. It’s a struggle to work out my emotions as we prepare to head out to the zoo today. Despite the fact that this was my dad’s annual tradition, it is still the way my husband desires to spend this holiday. I no longer attend the zoo to honor my dad but the memories still flood my mind and I am certain my emotions will get the best of me at some moment today.

Anytime we would go to the zoo, amusement park or county fair as a family, my mom and dad would hold hands. While there is such a treasure in reminiscing with the knowledge that my parents loved one another, there is another part of this memory that I cherish warmly in my heart.

Being Daddy’s little girl, I always longed to be the center of his attention, even when his attention was directed towards his wife. I was so secure in my daddy’s love that I would go up between my parents and separate their interlocked fingers until I was placed between them walking hand in hand with my daddy completely misplacing my mom. I loved walking around holding onto my daddy’s strong hand that was calloused from all his hard hours of labor in construction. This position left me feeling cherished and special. I belonged to him and it felt like a declaration that he was mine as we strolled along. Holding hands with my daddy was something I did long into high school. I was not ashamed to be seen with him. I was so very proud to be Daddy’s little girl.

There is a special bond between a little girl and her daddy. I see it now with my own daughters. Every morning, my oldest does her best to be awake in time to say goodbye to her daddy because if she is sleeping, we don’t wake her up. My husband understands the importance of the kids getting their sleep as well as the fact that I very much desire time to myself in the morning.

This past week, she came down the stairs a few minutes too late to get her goodbye hug. Walking up to me, I knew she was disappointed. “I’m sorry you missed saying goodbye to Daddy.” She responded with a shaky voice. “It’s okay. I waved goodbye to him out the window.” The torrent of tears began as she came to me for comfort. I couldn’t help but feel her disappointment and picked up the phone to call my husband who had just left a minute before. Just minutes later, he was pulling in the driveway with nothing but love and affection for his firstborn. He hugged her and assured her how important it is to him to be able to give her that morning hug goodbye.

I can’t help but think of my relationship with my own dad when I see my girls with my husband. I think there is just a natural bond between a daddy and his little girl. My girls run to the door with a shout “Daddy’s home!” at the end of every day. They love to sit and cuddle with him on Saturday mornings. Everything is more fun with daddy. They create drawings for him to take to work. It’s a special treat to ride with daddy in his car. The moments go on and on.

I remember the way I claimed the seat at the dining room table next to my dad. It did my heart good to know my dad was nearby. I loved to pick cards or create poems that would bring tears to my dad’s eyes. For me, success was in seeing his emotions revealed. Even well after I was married, my dad was a man whose approval I longed for.

Life is different now. I can no longer seek my daddy’s approval. I can no longer reach for his hand. The last time I held my dad’s hand, it was that of a man whose body was ridden with cancer. It brought memories of how very much I was his little girl. Today, as I head to the zoo, I am reminded of a moment when my little girl held her papa’s strong hand and my heart misses those memories and cries for the loss of opportunities for any more to be created.

Although I know it is my hand that belongs in my husband’s hand, I can now understand why my mom allowed me to break up the moment she shared with my dad. A mother wants her daughters to have a special bond with their daddy. I think it is one pathway to a relationship much more important. A little girl’s view of God can be deeply rooted in her view of her earthly father. That’s where I seek my approval now. It’s where I should have sought approval all along. It was a good place for me to start, though, with the daddy God gave me. And I am comforted when I watch my girls with their daddy. God our Father is so much sweeter when our hearts are fond of the daddy he gave us.

40 days

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy."

This is how Psalm 63:5 reads in the New Living Translation. As I read the verse, my mind went to what I believed would be the richest of feasts. I don't know that there are many foods missing from the table when I imagine the richest feasts. Pastas and cheeses would definitely be a part concluding with a lavish dessert bar with lots of chocolate invade my imagination.

As I thought on this rich feast I was creating in my memory, I realized that I could not say these same words as the Psalmist said to God and have it be truth. If I were to say the words, that is all they would be... words. I know that my actions would be to run to that feast and enjoy every tiny morsel I could bring to my lips. I enjoy food. There is a chemical reaction that occurs when these fabulous flavors reach my taste buds. I completely relax. Food is a drug for me. So to say that God satisfies me more than the richest feast... well, I wouldn't go that far.

So I found myself faced with a challenge. Which means more to me? Satisfaction from food or finding my satisfaction in God? I long for my satisfaction to come from God but even as I sit and type, my mind is mentally calculating the food that is currently in our home and whether or not I will give in to the temptation to eat it.

A few months ago, after reading this verse, I went on a 40-day fast from desserts. Different verses such as Deuteronomy 23:22-23 kept me committed to the fast. "It is not a sin to refrain from making a vow. But once you have voluntarily made a vow, be careful to fulfill your promise to the Lord your God." Numbers 30:2 goes along the same lines. "A man who makes a vow to the Lord or makes a pledge under oath must never break it. He must do exactly what he said he would do." So whether it was my commitment to God or the fear of lightening that kept me on track for those 40 days, I did complete the fast from desserts.

While attending the Hearts at Home conference in February of this year, I listened in on a session entitled "Growing Grateful Kids". The speaker and author, Susie Larsen, spoke on partial fasting. She talked about the fact that we should allow nothing to master us outside of God which would be our purpose behind a fast. As I listened to her tell stories about requiring her children to fast from an old toy or electronic device that seemed to have power over them, I couldn't help but think of the way food has power over my own life. She went on further to talk about self-restraint and how in exercising restraint, we are saying to God that we need Him more than we need these things (i.e., desserts). I wrote down her words, "Don't do the easy thing; do the right thing." While Susie's talk was directed at growing grateful kids, she stressed the importance of how "lessons are often caught more than taught". "We cannot impart what we do not possess."

Through this fast, I learned that I can say to God, "You satisfy me more than the richest of feast." There are days I choose not to. Many days I make the conscious choice of reaching for food rather than turning to God but I am far from ignorant of my foolishness before God.

I am no longer on a fast from desserts. I've contemplated going abstinent when it comes to these decedent treats, but I've decided to strive for balance instead. Proverbs 13:25 says "The godly eat to their hearts' content..." while Jesus says in Luke 12:23 that "Life is more than food". In my opinion, the Bible shows us that balance is something to strive for. It is all found in knowing that it is God that satisfies.

The Bible actually has a lot to say about my relationship with food. The answer is found in my relationship with God.

Lasting Legacies

Do you ever think about the Bible stories you were taught as a child? I think that I recall so many of the stories perfectly until I read them again as an adult. Take the story of Samuel for example. As a child, I remember hearing about how God called Samuel in the middle of the night. Each time God called, Samuel went to Eli the priest because he assumed Eli was calling him. After a couple replays of Eli assuring Samuel he was not calling him, Eli instructed Samuel to say “Yes Lord, I’m listening.” I had in my mind that Eli the priest was instrumental in mentoring Samuel in a relationship with God.

Recently having heard someone comment on this story, I made a note for when I reread the story for myself. Her thoughts were that Eli, who should have been accustomed to hearing God’s voice, did not even recognize it enough at first to know it was the voice of God that Samuel was hearing.

Samuel was born to Elkanah and Hannah. Struggling with infertility, Hannah prayed to God for a child. When God answered her prayer, she named him Samuel (meaning “asked of God”) and dedicated him to the Lord by leaving him at the temple where he grew up serving the Lord. As I continued to read the story, I realized how there is not much said about Eli’s role in Samuel’s life. A clearer picture of this story to me now seems to be that Samuel served the Lord in spite of Eli.
Eli’s sons were “scoundrels who had no respect for the Lord” (1 Samuel 2:12 NLT). We read in 1 Samuel 3:13 that the Lord has “warned judgment is coming upon [Eli’s] family forever because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn’t disciplined them.” How could Eli show Samuel how to live for God when he didn’t even show his own sons?

In 1 Samuel 2:29, God asks Eli “Why do you scorn my sacrifices and offerings? Why do you give your sons more honor than you give me – for you and they have become fat from the best offerings of my people Israel?” We are told in Chapter 2, verses12-17, how “Whenever anyone offered a sacrifice, Eli’s sons would send over a servant with a three-pronged fork. While the meat of the sacrificed animal was still boiling, the servant would stick the fork into the pot and demand that whatever it brought up be given to Eli’s sons. All the Israelites who came to worship at Shiloh were treated this way. Sometimes the servant would come even before the animal’s fat had been burned on the altar. He would demand raw meat before it had been boiled so that it could be used for roasting. The man offering the sacrifice might reply, “Take as much as you want, but the fat must be burned first.” Then the servant would demand, “No, give it to me now, or I’ll take it by force.” So the sin of these young men was very serious in the LORD’s sight, for they treated the LORD’s offerings with contempt.”

1 Samuel 2:30 informed Eli that an end will come to his family and they will no longer serve as priests because God “will honor those who honor me and despise those who think lightly of me.” In Chapter 3, the record of when God called to Samuel during the night, His message was that “I am about to do a shocking thing in Israel. I am going to carry out all my threats against Eli and his family, from beginning to end. I have warned him that judgment is coming upon his family forever, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn’t disciplined them. So I have vowed that the sins of Eli and his sons will never be forgiven by sacrifices or offerings.”

Eli’s sons died in the battlefield on the same day. When Eli heard the report, he “fell backward from his seat beside the gate. He broke his neck and died, for he was old and overweight.” (1 Samuel 4:18)

What I take from this story is that Eli, a priest, had a place of authority where he could have made a difference in this world for God. Eli was warned but he chose to live a life without purpose. He chose to be disobedient and not take a stand. He died in a way that leaves him remembered for his sins.

He had been Israel’s judge for 40 years. I can only imagine the kind of impact one could make for God in a position of leadership for 40 years. Rather than leaving behind a legacy of a life lived for God, he left a sad remembrance of his lack of leadership.

It leaves me asking myself what I will do with the time and positions God has given to me. I don’t want to be remembered as being a lover of food. I want to be remembered as being a lover of God!

Read 1 Samuel

Showing Responsibility

I love to surround myself with family and friends as we celebrates the birthdays of our children. Our oldest, Nikelle, will be turning 8 at the end of this month. When we began planning her birthday party, she brought me her "small" list of those friends she wanted to invite. There were "only 37 kids" on her incomplete list. Her reasoning for considering it a small list was that "Well, it's not like it's 100".

Today is her first day out of school and we received about 6 RSVP's from the 28 kids invited from her second grade class. This presented me with quite the challenge because while I very much appreicate RSVP's, I do not take it upon myself to contact those who do not respond. I simply try to make an educated guess and go with the motto "it's always better to have too much than too little".

My little girl decided that since this was her first day without any school, she would call her friends and inquire as to whether or not they would be joining her at the party. I have to admit that this was a huge relief for me! 17 responses I now have from my daughter's phone calls make planning her celebration so much easier!

I think I'm going to like this next year of her life. She really proved a huge amount of responsibility. She's an organized little kid. She loves people and is so excited to have her friends share in her day. I am, too. I love that we can celebrate big. It's one way to show how thankful we are that God gave us another year with them.

Advice from someone who blinked

If I Could Be a Young Mom Again
- Mary May Larmoyeux

As I peeked in on our sleeping 2-year-old grandson recently, I thought, You look just like your daddy did!

It seems like yesterday when our grown son was the toddler; I was the young mom checking on him during a mid-day nap.

Sometimes I wonder, What would I do differently if I could somehow be that young mother again ... knowing what has taken me decades to learn?

Well, I think I would slow down the pace of life and not be so involved in outside activities. I would organize more family nights where we just hung out together without any agenda. I would play a few more games and sit on the deck more often as a family, watching shooting stars or fireflies light the night sky. And I'd ask more questions because I'd realize that sin is the natural bent for a child until he knows Jesus personally.

I asked some other grandmothers what they would do differently if they could somehow turn back the hands of time and be a young mother again. Here's what they said:

I’d have spent more guilt-free time with my kids lying in the grass picking out cloud animals, playing board games on rainy days, or making a mess creating some work of art in the kitchen. Those are the times I remember, not how clean the bathtub was.

I would connect my children more closely to their grandparents. Looking back, I wish I had made it a greater priority to make the trek “over the highway and through the freeway to grandmother's house.” Grandparents can expand a child's view of the world so much “grander” than a parent, just by their life experiences.

I wish I had taught my children more about their heritage ... to help them see that who they have become is partially a result of what has gone before them. There is so much more to know than where relatives came from. What was it like to live in a particular country or neighborhood or home? I think, had I studied my parents more, I would have been better able to teach my kids about them. For instance, it was just before my dad died that I learned he loved to sing as a young boy/man and was in an a cappella choir throughout his school years. It gave me a new insight to him as an elderly man who was always humming or listening to music. There is so much more depth to my parents that will be lost forever because I failed to prospect for the value of the experience.

I would stop and read to/with them a lot more often and would enjoy simple times, like tending a garden, rather than resenting the request as an intrusion in the list of things I needed to get done.

I would share the love of the Lord and not just the rules of good behavior. I think I often confused compliance with understanding.

I wish that I had relaxed and enjoyed my little children more instead of trying to make everything “perfect” for them . . . the years go so fast!

I would pray more purposefully for the development of their character and their comprehension of the Lord, not just for the Lord's hand in crisis situations.

I'd invest more time in learning how to be a better steward of my time and money so I could teach my children to be better stewards.

I'd spend more time reading the Bible and praying. As a young mom, I sometimes got too busy with my housework and family and met with God at the end of the day when I was too tired to concentrate.

I would have more one-on-one times with the kids—taking short trips around our city and state, just making special memories.

I would include them in volunteering around our city and let them know about all the things we can do to help others. I would also ask them to join me in making and delivering food and crafts to shut-ins, the sick, and those less fortunate than we were.

I would give myself permission to not use the same approach with each child. I thought that using the same approach was being fair and not showing favoritism. However, I’ve learned that each child is unique and that they mature at different ages. So, the rules for one may not necessarily be the rules for another (for example the age to start dating, driving, the setting of curfew times, etc.). The “rules” need to be adaptable according to each child’s maturity and willingness to accept responsibility.

I'd be patient and make pleasant memories with my children so they wouldn't remember all the times I was in a hurry, or mad, or unhappy and discontent. Instead they'd remember a mom who was patient, kind, and loving with them.

During the teen years I was dealing with disrespect or being ignored, and I allowed that to stifle me. I wish I had gone into their rooms then at bedtime and told them how much I loved them, asked how I could pray, and hugged them.

I would have more humor in my home. Humor is like flour in a recipe and it brings it all together.

God sure teaches mothers a lot as they raise their children!

While it's impossible for any grandmother to go back in time and raise her now grown children again, young moms, you are raising your children right now.

So, as one grandmother suggested, "Run and play with your kids. Be a child again. Your dirty house will be there tomorrow, but the children will soon be gone."

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.
—Proverbs 19:20 (NIV)

*Many thanks to Arlene, Betty, Carole, Judi, Judy, Karen, Kathy F., Kathy H, Linda, Margo, Mary D., Mary S., Mary T., Rita, Toni

Mary May Larmoyeux is a writer and editor for FamilyLife. She is the author of My Heart’s at Home: Encouragement for Working Moms, co-author of There’s No Place Like Home: Steps to Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom, and co-author of the Resurrection Eggs® Activity Book.