Recently, I have been recalling a memory from my childhood that is somewhat fuzzy. While the memory does not come clearly into focus, I remember sitting on our family’s sofa as my mom tended to my bloody knee. From what I recall, my mom was overgenerous in her offering of Fudgesicles as she worked to clean my wound caused by a bicycle accident.
When I was a kid, the child’s seats attached to a parent’s bike were slightly different than those of today. This one had metal handlebars with a somewhat rectangular shaped seat. My brother (who is just 1-year and 2-days older than me) and I were both placed in the same seat intended for a single rider. After conferring with my mom, I think the picture was that of me sitting behind him hugging his waist as though we are both riding on a motorcycle. My mom thinks that my legs must have been sticking out straight (rather than nicely bent like my brother) so we could both fit. This was the position I was in when the bike spun out and my knee caught the worst of the accident in the gravel.
I like to recall this story to harass my mom a bit about where her thought process was prior to the bike ride. When I’m working through my food and weight issues, this memory comes to mind so I can pass the buck. While the main reason for reminiscing on this moment is the scar I know bare. I eagerly shared the story with a smile, just the other day, when my 2-year-old inquired as to its existence in front of my mom.
The scar stories we can tell with a smile reveal healing. It’s the stories of our scars that we want to keep hidden that bring us tears and pain and leave us feeling quite alone. I have those kinds of scars too: rejection, alienation, betrayal, broken dreams, a broken heart, loss, etc. The list is long for each of us.
At church yesterday, we began a new series entitled “Scar”. The gist of it, from my understanding, is that we are all scarred. We are all messed up and we need to face or scars in order to achieve the healing God desires for us. God can use us most when our scars are uncovered.
“Everyone has scars. No one runs the human race scar-free. No one.” My heart resounded in agreement as my pastor spoke. Too many times we think we can only come to God after we’ve cleaned up our life. The truth is that God wants us to come to him just the way we are. He doesn’t want us to attempt to hide our scars. Our scars are where Jesus desires to use us greatly. Jesus understands scars better than anyone.
“That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! ‘Peace be with you,’ he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord!” - John 20:19-20 (NLT)
Jesus’ scars give us reason for joy. Because of Jesus, we are more than a mess; we are now a redeemed mess. We need to keep our focus on Jesus’ scars.
“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” - Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)
While my list of scars runs deeper than a wounded knee, I don’t have to attempt to cover up my scars. Jesus already did.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Ultimate Blog Party 2011
It is my practice to decline invitations to parties where I don't know many people. I feel awkward and don't like the person I become in those types of situations. More often than not, however, I realize that much of what I appreciate about my life arrived after a journey through uncomfortable. With that in mind, I'm joining the Ultimate Blog Party 2011!
It was almost 4 years ago that I started blogging as a way to cope with my dad's battle with cancer. I was able to express my thoughts in writing and have a central source for people to get updates on my dad. In all honesty, a blog seemed like the perfect, safe place for me to express myself in written word without the risk of rejection.
The central theme of my blog came from a conversation with some of my friends about our identity. Something didn't sit right with me as I listened to my friends expose themselves as "mom" or "wife". What would happen to my identity if God forbid, I ever lost those titles?
Thankfully, I came to the conclusion that my identity stood secure in God alone. On February 27, 2008, my dad met His Maker and I started on my ultimate journey through uncomfortable. My dad's death rocked my world and taught me lessons I never realized needed to be learned (and I'm still learning).
While I can seek my approval, security, love and acceptance in many people, there is only One will will never disappoint. That is the center of my writing for that is the center of my soul. I am continually seeking my identity as "A Child of God".
This blog is simply my honest compilation of struggles and joys from a girl seeking Her God. My heart's desire is that as God is teaching me, He can somehow teach others as well. I will gladly journey through the uncomfortable for on the other side God shows me He is the one who satisfies all my desires!
It was almost 4 years ago that I started blogging as a way to cope with my dad's battle with cancer. I was able to express my thoughts in writing and have a central source for people to get updates on my dad. In all honesty, a blog seemed like the perfect, safe place for me to express myself in written word without the risk of rejection.
The central theme of my blog came from a conversation with some of my friends about our identity. Something didn't sit right with me as I listened to my friends expose themselves as "mom" or "wife". What would happen to my identity if God forbid, I ever lost those titles?
Thankfully, I came to the conclusion that my identity stood secure in God alone. On February 27, 2008, my dad met His Maker and I started on my ultimate journey through uncomfortable. My dad's death rocked my world and taught me lessons I never realized needed to be learned (and I'm still learning).
While I can seek my approval, security, love and acceptance in many people, there is only One will will never disappoint. That is the center of my writing for that is the center of my soul. I am continually seeking my identity as "A Child of God".
This blog is simply my honest compilation of struggles and joys from a girl seeking Her God. My heart's desire is that as God is teaching me, He can somehow teach others as well. I will gladly journey through the uncomfortable for on the other side God shows me He is the one who satisfies all my desires!
Intentional Parenting
I follow Jill Savage's blog regularly. Jill is the Founder of Hearts at Home. This ministry has been instrumental in making me comfortable in my own skin as a mother and a wife. Jill is honest and open about her own mistakes, reminding me that I am not alone. On her blog today, she is linking up to the Ultimate Blog Party 2011. She is also giving away copies of Hearts at Home books every day (April 1-8). For an opportunity to win her book, My Heart's at Home, all I need to do is leave a comment of one thing I do intentionally as a mom. My mind is drawing a blank. Maybe it is because I am too focused on what she does intentionally that I just can’t focus on my own mothering. Jill says: “I’ll share first…I intentionally try to listen with my eyes. Sometimes it’s hard to make it happen, but I try to stop what I’m doing, look at my husband or son or daughter, and listen with both my ears and my eyes.” That is truly intentional parenting.
There have to be many things I do intentionally. Otherwise, I better reexamine my mothering. I know I am intentional about getting my girls to bed at a decent hour. Making time with grandparents and other extended family is something I’ve always been intentional in implementing. It is important to me to protect their innocence and allow them to just be kids. When their birthdays come around each year, I am intentional about celebrating them and writing a letter to give them when they are older. I know I attempt to be intentional in my parenting. So why is it haunting me that I’m not doing enough?
Whatever comment I thinking of writing as my attempt at intentional parenting seems to be lacking. I know my desire for my children when they are adults. My prayer is that my girls would live in relationship with God. When I talk to my God about my girls I express my desire for them to live in grateful response to all He has done for them. It’s my prayer for my own life as well. Maybe what I do intentionally is parent with thought of the future. While there are moments that I parent with no thought of tomorrow, I do my best to always remember the reason these girls are on loan to me from God. I am to raise them so they can fulfill His purpose for their lives. I want them to be women after God’s own heart. I want them to love Him with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength and I want them to love others.
Being a good mom is more than just making sure they are happy. My goal cannot be to have them view me as their best friend. I can’t simply compete for their heart (it’s a loss anyway as all three of them are daddy’s little girl). Parenting is more than just making sure they receive a good education or achieve their personal best in sports or other activities. 3 John 1:4 sums it up for me. “There is no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth.” I am intentional in parenting with the thought of their future on my mind.
It’s a good question to answer: What is one thing you do intentionally as a parent?
There have to be many things I do intentionally. Otherwise, I better reexamine my mothering. I know I am intentional about getting my girls to bed at a decent hour. Making time with grandparents and other extended family is something I’ve always been intentional in implementing. It is important to me to protect their innocence and allow them to just be kids. When their birthdays come around each year, I am intentional about celebrating them and writing a letter to give them when they are older. I know I attempt to be intentional in my parenting. So why is it haunting me that I’m not doing enough?
Whatever comment I thinking of writing as my attempt at intentional parenting seems to be lacking. I know my desire for my children when they are adults. My prayer is that my girls would live in relationship with God. When I talk to my God about my girls I express my desire for them to live in grateful response to all He has done for them. It’s my prayer for my own life as well. Maybe what I do intentionally is parent with thought of the future. While there are moments that I parent with no thought of tomorrow, I do my best to always remember the reason these girls are on loan to me from God. I am to raise them so they can fulfill His purpose for their lives. I want them to be women after God’s own heart. I want them to love Him with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength and I want them to love others.
Being a good mom is more than just making sure they are happy. My goal cannot be to have them view me as their best friend. I can’t simply compete for their heart (it’s a loss anyway as all three of them are daddy’s little girl). Parenting is more than just making sure they receive a good education or achieve their personal best in sports or other activities. 3 John 1:4 sums it up for me. “There is no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth.” I am intentional in parenting with the thought of their future on my mind.
It’s a good question to answer: What is one thing you do intentionally as a parent?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Comfort in the Uncomfortable
Uncomfortable hardly begins to describe the way I feel. My stomach is uneasy. I watch my hands shake in trepidation. Fear has consumed me. I dread the criticism but hope for approval. It would have been better to remain in my happy place. Wouldn’t it?
I don't like to feel this way. Whenever possible, I avoid it at all costs. In spite of that, I know the unpleasant is often necessary.
My stomach feels uncomfortable when I choose not to indulge its every desire.
The aches of my body make me question the importance of my fitness goal.
Confronting my friend about a topic I know to be essential can be difficult.
I know I need to go there but I’d rather experience the comfortable. It is here that goals remain unaccomplished. Dreams will never be realized. Success will always be something left to attain.
Feeling a little awkward can lead to great benefits. Being ill at ease does not mean the outcome will be substandard. I just need to convince myself of that.
I witness pounds drop on the scale.
I complete a race once thought impossible.
My friendship deepens.
Sometimes, in order to achieve our desired result, we have to walk through the desert. During the course of the storm, we find our strength. Giants can be conquered if we struggle through the battle. Instead of staying comfortable in my happy place, it may be time to accept the challenges, take on the complicated and experience what victory truly tastes like.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." ~ Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
I don't like to feel this way. Whenever possible, I avoid it at all costs. In spite of that, I know the unpleasant is often necessary.
My stomach feels uncomfortable when I choose not to indulge its every desire.
The aches of my body make me question the importance of my fitness goal.
Confronting my friend about a topic I know to be essential can be difficult.
I know I need to go there but I’d rather experience the comfortable. It is here that goals remain unaccomplished. Dreams will never be realized. Success will always be something left to attain.
Feeling a little awkward can lead to great benefits. Being ill at ease does not mean the outcome will be substandard. I just need to convince myself of that.
I witness pounds drop on the scale.
I complete a race once thought impossible.
My friendship deepens.
Sometimes, in order to achieve our desired result, we have to walk through the desert. During the course of the storm, we find our strength. Giants can be conquered if we struggle through the battle. Instead of staying comfortable in my happy place, it may be time to accept the challenges, take on the complicated and experience what victory truly tastes like.
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." ~ Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Revolutionizing My Example
I heard the phrase once and claimed it for myself that “I’m not yelling. I’m Italian. This is how we talk.” It gets a few laughs and casually excuses my lack of self-control. Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror of my children, I realize my response pattern is in no way a laughing matter. As Karol Ladd states in her book, The Power of a Positive Mom, “Like it or not, our life is an open book, continually read by the little eyes in our homes.”
I went into this year’s Hearts at Home conference this past weekend with a picture of my defiant 2-year-old daughter in my mind. My little girl will cross her arms as she places a scowl on her face and looks crossly down at the carpet and exclaims “I not pick up the toys!” She often yells at her sisters in an attempt to convince them to do what she desires. When they do not respond in agreeable fashion, she will yell louder and meaner hoping to get her point across. I often think about how exasperated I am with her behavior and realize that, sadly, I am looking into a mirror.
It is commonplace for me to attempt to diffuse fights between my girls or discipline through a strong, authoritative voice (read: yelling). When that does nothing to achieve my desired results, I raise my voice thinking the louder and meaner I yell; the more likely they are to obey. Dr. Julianna Slattery in her workshop, “More Than a Spanking?” shared how yelling is compared to the new spanking as we act out in frustration towards our children. “Yelling is the #1 source of guilt with moms as we realize how ineffective we are.” She spoke a message straight to my heart as I continued to look in the mirror of my angry 2-year-old knowing that she simply lives out the example she sees every day in me.
Jill Savage spoke about revolutionizing our motherhood. That was the theme of the conference this year. She shared that “God can revolutionize our mothering one wrong choice at a time.” It is in our wrong choices that we see a need for change. “As we own our wrong choices, we can move forward.” Jill brought her mother, daughter and granddaughter on the stage with her to stress the reason as to why we should revolutionize our mothering. Seeing the generations there on the stage, I heard her say, “The decision you and I make as moms effect generations to come!” As we look into the mirror of our children every day, we need to remember her next point, “Our children are our message that we send to a world we cannot see.” There certainly is power in our example.
I went into this year’s Hearts at Home conference this past weekend with a picture of my defiant 2-year-old daughter in my mind. My little girl will cross her arms as she places a scowl on her face and looks crossly down at the carpet and exclaims “I not pick up the toys!” She often yells at her sisters in an attempt to convince them to do what she desires. When they do not respond in agreeable fashion, she will yell louder and meaner hoping to get her point across. I often think about how exasperated I am with her behavior and realize that, sadly, I am looking into a mirror.
It is commonplace for me to attempt to diffuse fights between my girls or discipline through a strong, authoritative voice (read: yelling). When that does nothing to achieve my desired results, I raise my voice thinking the louder and meaner I yell; the more likely they are to obey. Dr. Julianna Slattery in her workshop, “More Than a Spanking?” shared how yelling is compared to the new spanking as we act out in frustration towards our children. “Yelling is the #1 source of guilt with moms as we realize how ineffective we are.” She spoke a message straight to my heart as I continued to look in the mirror of my angry 2-year-old knowing that she simply lives out the example she sees every day in me.
Jill Savage spoke about revolutionizing our motherhood. That was the theme of the conference this year. She shared that “God can revolutionize our mothering one wrong choice at a time.” It is in our wrong choices that we see a need for change. “As we own our wrong choices, we can move forward.” Jill brought her mother, daughter and granddaughter on the stage with her to stress the reason as to why we should revolutionize our mothering. Seeing the generations there on the stage, I heard her say, “The decision you and I make as moms effect generations to come!” As we look into the mirror of our children every day, we need to remember her next point, “Our children are our message that we send to a world we cannot see.” There certainly is power in our example.
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