Soldier of God by Nikelle Carlson

As I was sorting through papers today, I found "A Story of Being God's Friend: SOLDIER OF GOD" written by Nikelle.

She writes:

Dedicated to Dad, God's best friend

Being a best friend to God is like having a party for your whole life. Whenever you become God's friend, the angels are having a party for you. I am a friend of God, and I know what it feels like. I know that I am protected. I chose to admit and believe and it feels great. Now I want to tell the world about God. Now, when I'm in big tests, like I'm in the ISAT, I know there is nothing to worry about. God is your master, and you need to obey his word. Pray for people you don't know and be friends to your enemies. Do not use God's name in vain. Follow the ten commandments. Obey your parents. Become a christian, just like me. Then you will become a Soldier of God.

It's a wonderful surprise to get a peak into my daughter's heart as I'm sorting through papers.

Running the Race

I’m signed up to run a 10K in less than 2 weeks. I’ve kept on track with the 8-week training schedule but I’m still anxious. There was a time in my life that I thought completing a mile would be impossible, let alone “the toughest 10K in the Midwest”. The race seems rather intimidating but I will stay on course and finish the race.

Running any kind of miles is never truly at the top of my priority list. I dread getting on the treadmill or even going outside. That’s why I made the commitment to this race. Personally, I need a goal to strive for or I all too easily make excuses to blow off exercise entirely. Setting a goal gives me something specific to aim for.

One thing I realize as I’m running is that I tend to focus too much on the path directly in front of me. If I’m on the treadmill, my eyes watch the numbers work ever so slowly up to the moment I can declare completion. If I’m on a trail, I watch for obstacles to avoid and stay overly focused on where I am. When I’m tired, my eyes naturally go to my feet. I have learned that I need to be intentional with focusing on where I need to be instead of where I am. The run doesn’t feel quite as overwhelming that way. When I choose a focal point on the course ahead of me, it’s easier to persevere to the end. Envisioning the finish line is the best way to stay on course.

Running has helped me to understand life a little bit better. I now have tangible pictures of perseverance in my mind because of the endurance training I have completed. When I think about the mess my life is in at a current moment, I remember that the race is often easier if I keep my focus on the finish line. I can feel like I am drowning in life when I focus on the here and now. It is only when I keep my eyes on Jesus and eternity that the intimidation of today dissipates and I can continue the race.

“We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God's throne. Think about Jesus' example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying.” – Hebrews 12:1-3 (NCV)

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NIV)

“I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above.” – Philippians 3:12-14 (NCV)

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.” - 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NLT)

Scarred

Recently, I have been recalling a memory from my childhood that is somewhat fuzzy. While the memory does not come clearly into focus, I remember sitting on our family’s sofa as my mom tended to my bloody knee. From what I recall, my mom was overgenerous in her offering of Fudgesicles as she worked to clean my wound caused by a bicycle accident.

When I was a kid, the child’s seats attached to a parent’s bike were slightly different than those of today. This one had metal handlebars with a somewhat rectangular shaped seat. My brother (who is just 1-year and 2-days older than me) and I were both placed in the same seat intended for a single rider. After conferring with my mom, I think the picture was that of me sitting behind him hugging his waist as though we are both riding on a motorcycle. My mom thinks that my legs must have been sticking out straight (rather than nicely bent like my brother) so we could both fit. This was the position I was in when the bike spun out and my knee caught the worst of the accident in the gravel.

I like to recall this story to harass my mom a bit about where her thought process was prior to the bike ride. When I’m working through my food and weight issues, this memory comes to mind so I can pass the buck. While the main reason for reminiscing on this moment is the scar I know bare. I eagerly shared the story with a smile, just the other day, when my 2-year-old inquired as to its existence in front of my mom.

The scar stories we can tell with a smile reveal healing. It’s the stories of our scars that we want to keep hidden that bring us tears and pain and leave us feeling quite alone. I have those kinds of scars too: rejection, alienation, betrayal, broken dreams, a broken heart, loss, etc. The list is long for each of us.

At church yesterday, we began a new series entitled “Scar”. The gist of it, from my understanding, is that we are all scarred. We are all messed up and we need to face or scars in order to achieve the healing God desires for us. God can use us most when our scars are uncovered.

“Everyone has scars. No one runs the human race scar-free. No one.” My heart resounded in agreement as my pastor spoke. Too many times we think we can only come to God after we’ve cleaned up our life. The truth is that God wants us to come to him just the way we are. He doesn’t want us to attempt to hide our scars. Our scars are where Jesus desires to use us greatly. Jesus understands scars better than anyone.

“That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! ‘Peace be with you,’ he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord!” - John 20:19-20 (NLT)

Jesus’ scars give us reason for joy. Because of Jesus, we are more than a mess; we are now a redeemed mess. We need to keep our focus on Jesus’ scars.
“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” - Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)
While my list of scars runs deeper than a wounded knee, I don’t have to attempt to cover up my scars. Jesus already did.

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

It is my practice to decline invitations to parties where I don't know many people. I feel awkward and don't like the person I become in those types of situations. More often than not, however, I realize that much of what I appreciate about my life arrived after a journey through uncomfortable. With that in mind, I'm joining the Ultimate Blog Party 2011!

It was almost 4 years ago that I started blogging as a way to cope with my dad's battle with cancer. I was able to express my thoughts in writing and have a central source for people to get updates on my dad. In all honesty, a blog seemed like the perfect, safe place for me to express myself in written word without the risk of rejection.

The central theme of my blog came from a conversation with some of my friends about our identity. Something didn't sit right with me as I listened to my friends expose themselves as "mom" or "wife". What would happen to my identity if God forbid, I ever lost those titles?

Thankfully, I came to the conclusion that my identity stood secure in God alone. On February 27, 2008, my dad met His Maker and I started on my ultimate journey through uncomfortable. My dad's death rocked my world and taught me lessons I never realized needed to be learned (and I'm still learning).

While I can seek my approval, security, love and acceptance in many people, there is only One will will never disappoint. That is the center of my writing for that is the center of my soul. I am continually seeking my identity as "A Child of God".

This blog is simply my honest compilation of struggles and joys from a girl seeking Her God. My heart's desire is that as God is teaching me, He can somehow teach others as well. I will gladly journey through the uncomfortable for on the other side God shows me He is the one who satisfies all my desires!

Intentional Parenting

I follow Jill Savage's blog regularly. Jill is the Founder of Hearts at Home. This ministry has been instrumental in making me comfortable in my own skin as a mother and a wife. Jill is honest and open about her own mistakes, reminding me that I am not alone. On her blog today, she is linking up to the Ultimate Blog Party 2011. She is also giving away copies of Hearts at Home books every day (April 1-8). For an opportunity to win her book, My Heart's at Home, all I need to do is leave a comment of one thing I do intentionally as a mom. My mind is drawing a blank. Maybe it is because I am too focused on what she does intentionally that I just can’t focus on my own mothering. Jill says: “I’ll share first…I intentionally try to listen with my eyes. Sometimes it’s hard to make it happen, but I try to stop what I’m doing, look at my husband or son or daughter, and listen with both my ears and my eyes.” That is truly intentional parenting.

There have to be many things I do intentionally. Otherwise, I better reexamine my mothering. I know I am intentional about getting my girls to bed at a decent hour. Making time with grandparents and other extended family is something I’ve always been intentional in implementing. It is important to me to protect their innocence and allow them to just be kids. When their birthdays come around each year, I am intentional about celebrating them and writing a letter to give them when they are older. I know I attempt to be intentional in my parenting. So why is it haunting me that I’m not doing enough?

Whatever comment I thinking of writing as my attempt at intentional parenting seems to be lacking. I know my desire for my children when they are adults. My prayer is that my girls would live in relationship with God. When I talk to my God about my girls I express my desire for them to live in grateful response to all He has done for them. It’s my prayer for my own life as well. Maybe what I do intentionally is parent with thought of the future. While there are moments that I parent with no thought of tomorrow, I do my best to always remember the reason these girls are on loan to me from God. I am to raise them so they can fulfill His purpose for their lives. I want them to be women after God’s own heart. I want them to love Him with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength and I want them to love others.

Being a good mom is more than just making sure they are happy. My goal cannot be to have them view me as their best friend. I can’t simply compete for their heart (it’s a loss anyway as all three of them are daddy’s little girl). Parenting is more than just making sure they receive a good education or achieve their personal best in sports or other activities. 3 John 1:4 sums it up for me. “There is no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth.” I am intentional in parenting with the thought of their future on my mind.

It’s a good question to answer: What is one thing you do intentionally as a parent?