Contorted Dreams

Isn't it absolutely crazy how real a dream can feel?

Not to go too overboard with the details...but I just awoke from a dream where I was at my mom's house. My mom and I were going to hop in the van to leave. My mom got into the driver's side of the van and I went to open the passenger side door. Instead, I hopped into the back. Dad was sitting in the passenger seat. He was listening to Steve Green on the radio. As we drove around the circle drive, he asked my mom to stop so he could pick some cherries. They were really apples. She slowed down so he could pick an apple but he couldn't get one (it was like his illness didn't allow him to have the hand-eye coordination that he needed). I just grabbed one for him and he sat eating it as he commented on all the apples we had this year. These apple trees were all along the circle drive and we were in awe of how many beautiful apples there were. (In reality, my parents do have fruit trees but they are not located by the driveway and their apples are tiny at that. If the bugs or birds don't eat them first.) I commented in the dream that we should pick them all and make a bunch of apple pies.

All of a sudden in the dream I was in the passenger seat and dad was riding his bike in downtown Mokena. I told my mom in the dream that she could just drop me off at one of the main intersections downtown and I would walk where I was going. Then I said, "Oh that's silly because you have to get dad in the van anyway."

At this point in the dream, we didn't know where dad was anymore. We got worried as to where he was and pulled over to look for him. I ran into the store. (My grandma used to own the general store in Mokena which no longer exists anymore.) He wasn't in there but someone commented on where he was.

I ran to him and we were hugging and crying in relief when I woke up.

My emotions are all twisted right now, trying to sort reality from this dream. Dreams are crazy. They can feel so real and make you so emotional and yet the reality is often contorted.

Reality is that I think about my dad all of the time. Reality is that I miss him and would love for him to be here with us. The rest of it doesn't give me much reality.

Dreams have left me angry with people for things they didn't even do in reality. Dreams have left me hopeful when there was no hope to be had. I don't put too much thought into my dreams. If they're like this where they leave me emotional, I'll mention them to Rod and maybe a couple others. Then I forget about them.

Rod on the other hand has the stories to tell about his dreams. If he's never shared them with you, ask him about them sometime. It's quite dangerous sleeping next to him!

Forced to smile

Do you have something on a daily basis that forces you to smile? Something that no matter how hard you try to fight against it will still inevitably make you smile? I do. Usually without fail. Every morning. No matter how exhausted I am. No matter how irritated I am. I doesn't matter what the day prior held as far as frustrations and disappointments. It doesn't matter what kind of stresses the day ahead holds. If I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and just want to grumble. If I wake up with the flu and can hardly move. It can still be dark outside. I can be woken out of a deep sleep.

When I walk into my baby's room and see her smile and squeal with glee, nothing can stop me from smiling. Consistently, the corners of my mouth will turn up and I feel my heart swell. She has to be undoubtedly one of the happiest babies on the face of the earth. Andelise is such a blessing and continually makes us smile - our faces and our hearts.

(Why is it then that I am having such a hard time catching this smile on camera? She is so enthralled with the camera that she stops smiling and laughing and simply stares. This is the closest picture I have to a smile recently.)

A habit I need to break

I am sitting at the computer attempting to focus my mind or clear my mind (I'm not sure which). I know that in a few minutes I have to meet Nikelle at the bus stop. My younger two are sleeping at the same time which is absolutely wonderful (and unusual).

My eyes are tired from tears I've cried over this life we live and the heartaches that come with it. I've smiled while reading another friends' blog and because I have a dear friend who calls me when she knows I need it.

I want to eat. I find comfort in food and I want to eat. I'm tired of overeating. I'm tired of feeling lousy about myself. I'm tired of being consumed by food. Still, I want to eat. It's like my drug of choice. I know it's sad. There are so many more worthy things to consume myself with but I have been choosing food to the point where it has become a habit. A habit that I need to break.

As I watch the clock and wait for the minutes to tick away, I need to type. I need to keep typing because otherwise I worry that I will walk over to my pantry and find something unecessary to put into my mouth. It will make me feel good for all of two minutes and then I will feel lousy for days.

I'm grateful that there are other ways to express our feelings. I'm grateful that we have alternatives for the temptations we face. I'm choosing to take these alternatives today. More specifically, for this moment. I can't look past this moment or it could lead to more bad choices. Right now, I'm making a good choice and that lifts my head.

Now, as I go to meet Nikelle at the bus, I will grab my MOPS magazine and wait...grateful that for today, one moment of a bad habit was overcome.

Thanks, Stacy, for that little voice in my head! :)

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Prayer Needs

Please pray for my cousin, Jenny (Tuttle side), who is pregnant with twins. She went into the hospital yesterday with high blood pressure. Turns out she has gestational hypertension. This just sounds scary to me and if I recall correctly, she still has quite a ways to go in her pregnancy. Please pray for her health as well as the health of the babies.

Please pray for Rod's cousin, Thomas, as well. He is going to Afghanistan. Everyone knows how much prayer is needed for his protection.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

Grateful for Girls

The girls were too cold to continue playing outside in the snow. Why not bring it inside into the bathtub?

I love how the girls light up around each other. Ande squirms and wants to jump out of my arms when she sees her sisters in the morning. "Baby Ande!", Nikelle exclaims each time her youngest sister wakes up from a nap. "You want to eat me?" Jaycie asks her baby sister. "I eat you," she states as she gums her hands, feet or belly. "Mmmmm...you taste nummy!"

I am so thrilled to have these little people in my life. I do not know what God has in store for each of them but I am anxious to see what difference they will have in this world.

Jaycie is a riot when she wants to be. She just makes me laugh (if she's not making me yell or cry). Here she is making pizza. Although I needed to instruct her that we don't use flour that way, I did need to stop and take a picture of our mischievous little girl!

Today, and every day, I am blessed to have these three little creations of God to take care of.