Uncomfortably Satisfied

I would have fallen asleep.

"Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” (Matthew 26:40-41 NLT) The last part of this verse really sums up my relationship with God. I desire Him. Truly, I do. And yet, I fail miserably. All too often, I choose comfort. 99 times out of 100, I'll take the easy way out. That's why, assuming I had the privilege of being asked by Jesus to pray with him the night he was arrested, I believe my tired body would have won.

A couple of years ago, I felt challenged to give up something for the Lenten season. This was a first in my life. I didn't grow up participating in the practice of Lent. I understood that every day was to be lived for God so I never really understood what was so special about people giving up meat on Fridays. Not to mention the fact that many of the people I knew who participated in this practice could not explain to me why they did it.

As an adult, conversations continued in seeking the explanation behind this season called "Lent". People I love and respect were able to back up what they believed with what they practiced. And maybe, a part of me was finally able to admit I was a bit self-righteous. I quit judging and spent a little more time listening. After truly examining my heart and admitting I was a more than slightly uncomfortable with this out-of-the-norm-practice for my life, I got real. I decided my reasoning that we were to sacrifice daily for God was a cop-out. Maybe it was time for me to experience a bit of discomfort. It didn't matter what others did or why they did it. All that mattered was whether or not I was willing to step out of my comfort zone in order to experience more of God.

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast." These words in Psalm 63:5 convicted my heart. I was faced with whether I truly believed this verse. If I was completely honest with myself, I had to answer "no". Given the choice between sweet foods or my Savior, the actions of my life spoke volumes as to who (or what) was on the throne of my life. So, for a Lenten season, I fasted from sweets. It was a growing experience that drew me closer to Christ. Every time I found myself reaching for desserts, I was faced with "What truly satisfies?"

Reintroducing rich foods into my diet on Easter, I found myself back to the old ways of relying on food to fill my emotions. Where do I turn for comfort? In times of stress, is the pantry or refrigerator the first place I turn? I found it to be no coincidence that Bible verse after Bible verse spoke to my heart and had me thinking about my relationship with food as well as my relationship with God. "Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing." (Psalm 34:10 NLT)

This year, I didn't give up anything specifically for Lent. My understanding of this practice is to focus our minds and hearts on what Jesus did at Calvary for us. As we find ourselves reaching for the forbidden-fruit-for-a-season, our eyes should be turned to God as we talk to Him in prayer and remember the reason behind the abstinence. It was months ago that my heart was convicted to dethrone desserts as the god of my life.

Now, I realize that some may find my reference to chocolate as a deity extreme. After all, everyone needs to be able to enjoy a little celebration every now and then. While I agree, our celebrations should not come at the expense of our relationship with Jesus. (Not to mention that my celebrations occurred all too often as well as alone.) "You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'—but not everything is good for you. And even though 'I am allowed to do anything,' I must not become a slave to anything. You say, 'Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.' (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) ...They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead." (1 Corinthians 6:12-14)

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need." (Luke 12:31) This is my calling: to seek God above all else. ANYTHING that creeps into this position outside of God is an idol in my life. I'm quick to say I live for Jesus. But are my actions shouting louder than my words in contradiction? When Jesus is asking me where I stand in my relationship with Him, would I rather have the rich feast or the riches of God? What is it that truly satisfies my soul?

As Jesus spoke to his beloved disciples on the night he was arrested, I am living in a new light these days. For in my own strength, I will fail. It's with my eyes on Jesus that I will truly experience the fullness of the best He has for me. "Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” (Matthew 26:40-41 NLT)

What is it that you feel you can't live without? The only answer to this should be Jesus. In the end, He is all that will matter.

Peter: Faith or Failure?

It's easy to focus in on Peter as I read the account of Jesus' final days here on earth. He'd be a big part of the media coverage today, don't you think? Peter was Jesus' right hand guy. His faith in Jesus enabled him to walk on water. At the last supper, he was bold in declaring his unwavering commitment to Jesus. And wasn't it Peter who drew his sword and sliced the ear off of the guard who falsely arrested Jesus? The cameras certainly would have been clamoring to get footage of this disciple.

Needless to say, they would have been just as quick to plaster his face all over the place declaring his apparent hypocrisy. Peter was one of the few Jesus asked to stay awake and pray with him before his arrest... only his weary eyes and body won out over his bold speech. I could envision the major television networks battling to air the footage of his betrayal not only once... but rather three times. If these moments in history were recorded today, we would flip through the channels hard pressed to find reports of his walk-on-water faith. Every station would replay the moment Peter took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink.

Should our focus be on Peter's faith or failures? I always remember being taught that Peter was able to walk on water as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. He began to sink when he took his eyes off of Christ. It seems that Peter's boldness and confidence was present whenever he was close to his Lord. Without hesitancy, he proclaimed his loyalty. He was quick to defend Jesus in the garden. When he wasn't near to Jesus, however, Peter denied knowing Him. His failures were highlighted and his faithfulness dwindled when his eyes were off of Christ.

This is the pattern in my own life as well. When my eyes are on Jesus and I'm reading the Bible, praying, attending church, and having conversations with other devoted Christ-followers, I am bold and confident in following hard after God. As this world starts to get the better of me and commitments overtake my life, my loyalty diminishes. Fear replaces conviction and soon I find myself timid and struggling to make it in my own strength.

As we approach the foot of the cross, I need to be reminded of the power Jesus gives us. He was broken so we could have hope. He gave up everything to have a relationship with me; with you. This holy week keeps the cross at the forefront of our minds. As it does, let us remember Peter and the example he gave in the power and bold confidence we can have with Jesus by our side.

A Holy Week?

"We are supposed to reflect on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ every day." This was the thought I was raised with and the reason I never really thought twice about the practice of lent or other spiritual disciplines I heard my friends participating in. As a matter of fact, this Sunday, my thoughts were interrupted when my pastor referred to this very week as "holy week". I couldn't recall if I had ever heard that term before in my life.

Why is this week any more "holy" than another week? Is there really something special about Palm Sunday and all the days leading up to Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday? After all, isn't Jesus' death and resurrection just as important on the 4th of July and Thanksgiving?

In the four years since I lost my dad to cancer, my thoughts are invaded with memories of him almost every day. There are a few days, however, that cause me to reflect on his life a little more intentionally (his birth date, death date and Christmas, in particular). These dates and occasions prompt my heart to reminisce.

It's not any different with this holy week. Palm Sunday. Good Friday. Easter. They are all prompts to remember. These occasions can challenge my heart and soul to think more intentionally on the life (and death and resurrection) of Jesus.

Does it really matter what religious practices had my participation in the past? When I found myself struggling with the term "holy week" because my denomination didn't label it as such, I embraced the challenge. I can utilize this week to prompt my heart to reflect more purposely. I can embrace this week as a "holy week" for one reason: to draw me closer to the cross.

The cross, my friends, can never be reflected on enough. God loved me so much that He sent his one and only Son to die for ME (and for you). This sacrifice should overwhelm my heart and bring me to my knees. Jesus blood has made this life (and the life to come) possible. And the power we find on Sunday enables us to share in it all with rejoicing.

Will you join me in being intentional this week? Set aside time each day to stop and reflect on what was happening to God's-Son-who-knew-no-sin-and-yet-became-sin-for-us over 2000 years ago. They were declaring Him king on Palm Sunday and gawking at His crucifixion they had shouted for on Friday. Can you picture yourself in the crowd? Where would you have been? Is there a Biblical figure you can personally identify with from this story?

Open up to the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) and read the account of this week we are remembering. Allow God to penetrate your heart. Define where you stand in your relationship with Him. He publicly declared where He stood in His relationship with you. We have the cross as our reminder. Who is Jesus to you?

"We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body. He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross. You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message." - Colossians 1:15-23

Mothering Super Powers: March Hearts at Home Blog Hop

"We all have days when we feel like just an 'ordinary mom'. If you could have any super power that would help you in your mothering, what would it be?"

Initially, I was frustrated by this question. It seemed like I needed some creativity to come up with an answer. For some reason, I struggle with using my imagination. Utilizing the resources available to me, I typed “super powers” into Google search and came up with a whole list of possibilities.

“Body duplication” stood out to me as a power I could benefit from. I simply had no idea how very soon I would imagine myself as a super hero with this very power. Yesterday I carried my 3-year-old into the pediatrician’s office, informing my 6-year-old that she would simply have to walk, thankful that my 9-year-old is past the stage of needing to be carried. The doctor had me line all three of my sick little girls next to each other on the exam table. She began to check their ears… clear… clear… clear. Then their throats… clear… clear… clear. As well as their lungs… clear… clear… clear. I couldn’t help but laugh as I attempted to comfort each child at the right moments (especially with the nose swabs).

With the diagnosis of Influenza A in each girl, it is no wonder that this week has been absolutely impossible to meet everyone’s demands… including my own. However, if I were a super hero capable of duplicating my body…

I could get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep EVERY night because one of my duplicates could take care of anything that threatened my slumber.

Holding my children every time they want to be held in the position they want to be held would be easy to accommodate (without bickering of another child kicking them or getting to close, etc.).

My preschooler would no longer be found sitting in the bathroom crying at the top of her lungs because I didn’t hear that she… well, um… needed some assistance.

When my oldest daughter wants me to climb into her top bunk with her just for comfort, the request could be met no problem.

When my middle daughter needs a bucket due to inheriting her father’s gag reflex, I don’t have to worry about whether she will need said bucket as I am in the middle of cleaning it.

I could take care of my own agenda without any feelings of guilt for neglecting the needs of anybody else.

My husband wouldn’t have to hear that I’m too tired… I’d be available to meet his every need.

I wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I was going to catch the flu in my house when my hopes are to go away with my girlfriends for the weekend to the Hearts at Home conference.

And blog posts would be able to be written without the constant requests beckoning me.

Yes, body duplication would be a wonderful super power to have.

Since I live in reality, however, I have to learn that I cannot be everything to everyone all the time. I have my limits. Weeks like these where everybody needs me and it conflicts with my own agenda, I find myself frustrated. Instead, I should remember that there is someone who can be with each one of us all the time, everywhere we go. When I lift up each request to my Heavenly Father, there is peace in knowing He is in control.

What super power would you desire? Instead of working so hard to earn your cape, should you be turning to God instead?

“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!  If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.  If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” – Psalm 139:7-12

Cherished Moment

Jaycie (6-years-old) sat down on the floor to play this morning. Andelise (3-years-old) came and squatted down by her side. Ande asked her big sister, "Jaychie (this is not a typo; this is the cute pronunciation of her sister's name), you like me now?" Jaycie looked at her so sweetly and said, "Ande, I always like you. Why would you think I don't like you?" Although I was tempted to list all the reasons for her, I held my tongue and cherished the moment in my heart.