"I'm Hungry"

It's 3:00 p.m. Nikelle should be on the bus coming home from school now. I, myself, am feeling a bit light-headed. Of course, I am not following the advice to drink plenty of fluids either. I'm wondering how she is feeling and praying the way she feels will help remind her that not everyone lives in the abundance we experience. While I ate a pear and have had a couple of glasses of V8 Fusion, the greatest awareness I have right now is the abundance I have access to. I can just grab whatever I want from my kitchen. The children Nikelle is doing this famine project for don't have that option. This will be an event my daughter will likely always remember. Those children in need, however, live hungry every day. Maybe it will change the way we use the word? I hope so.

Too often I say "I'm hungry" and feel the need to put something in my mouth. Having accomplished much today (including some time on the treadmill), I realize it's been a long time since I denied myself much of anything, especially food. It's time to get back to finding prompts to spur me closer to God. Denying myself causes me to stop and turn my eyes to Christ. I need a bit more of that.

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it." - Luke 9:23-24

These are the verses I gave Nikelle to ponder at lunch time today:
 

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." - 1 Timothy 6:17-19

 

I pray this is much more than an "event" for her. While we can't truly experience what those less fortunate endure, we can obey Jesus to be generous and willing to share. It's not only about the here and now.

 

You can help feed those in need here. Just $35 feeds a child for a month.

My daughter is fasting... what's the point?

My stomach is making me well aware that I have not eaten in about 13 hours. All I want to do is grab some food. My daughter hasn't eaten in about 15 hours. She went to school that way. This actually happens a lot to her. Breakfast becomes repulsive at times when she is nervous about upcoming events of the day. Today is different. Today she was supposed to eat a good breakfast before 6am in order to participate in World Vision's 30-hour Famine. She is not quite 12-years-old yet.

The Consent Form I had to sign states that "the average, healthy person is able to go without food for 30 hours without any ill effects. Exceptions include, but are not limited to, the following: children under the age of 12..." She is one of the first exceptions. As though I wasn't anxious enough about sending my oldest off to her first overnight youth activity... without food.

I chose to send her to school with a pear, some iceberg lettuce, ranch dressing and Gatorade. Her youth leader stressed the importance of drinking fluids. I stressed to him my concerns about her not yet being 12. He was not concerned but that didn't bring me calm. Many times my mind still pictures him at my daughter's age instead of the reality of the Godly young man he is now. When it is difficult for me to see the fact that other people's children grow up, maybe it shouldn't be such a shock that I'm having a difficult time accepting the fact about my own daughter.

So, yeah, I made excuses and my daughter will be participating in a modified fast.

Excuse #1: She's not 12 (a modified fast was suggested by World Vision for the exceptions they listed)

 

Excuse #2: She'd be fasting for more like 40+ hours instead of 30 because she didn't eat breakfast

Excuse #3: She has to get through the school day and accomplish the tasks expected of her

Excuse #4: It's a pear and lettuce...

Excuse #5: She's my oldest and I have a hard time letting go (that's just the real truth, I suppose)

The reason I haven't eaten breakfast this morning is because I want to know a bit of what she is feeling right now. I am hungry and want to eat. Honestly, I haven't been drinking the fluids like she was told to do. She isn't either. She hardly touched the Gatorade I gave her this morning and only has water available until lunch. Hopefully she'll remember to drink. I just got myself a cup of coffee (not the best fluid choice I'm sure but what I got anyway.)

Before my daughter, Nikelle, left for school today, her daddy instructed her on the purpose behind fasting. (Side note: I love that man!) He explained to her that the Bible instructs us to fast because the hunger we feel is supposed to turn our hearts and minds to God. We don't understand that concept in our world much today. Fasting is commonplace especially as we approach Easter but do we truly understand the purpose?

I hope the hunger I feel today will prompt me to pray... for her, for her youth group and for the starving children of the world. Will you join me? Have you ever chosen to fast? Do you utilize fasting for what God intended? Is there another reason?

 

"Then he turned to his host. “When you put on a luncheon or a banquet,” he said, “don’t invite your friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors. For they will invite you back, and that will be your only reward. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you.” - Luke 14:12-14

 

Isaiah 58

Love Your Feelings (by allowing them to prompt you to seek God)

(Today is the Third Thursday of the month. Time for the Hearts at Home Home Blog Hop! This month's topic: Love Your Feelings. Head over to Jill's blog to see what other women have to say on the topic.)

Feelings often lead to confusion. Or maybe confusion is what I'm feeling? Is it okay to rely on my feelings at all? Feelings come and go. Can feelings lead to positive change or are they truly just fleeting? Today's topic "Love Your Feelings" had me wanting to avoid the Hearts at Home Blog Hop all together. The truth is that I don't love my feelings. As far as my actions show, I prefer to bury them altogether.

When I am bombarded by too many feelings, I am motivated to hunt like a lioness on the prowl. However, there is great difference in our pursuits. Her mission is to find a remedy for the problem of hunger as my quest is simply to find a distraction and dull the senses. While the lioness focuses her search is in the Pride Lands, I concentrate on rummaging through my kitchen.

The countless thoughts in my head and the emotions pulsating in my soul overwhelm me. Cravings begin to dominate my decisions and I fixate on the desire for relief from my feelings. "Just this time," I tell myself as I reach into the bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips intended for future baked goods. "Next time I'll choose different."

This moment, like all those before too numerous to count, I look to temporarily quiet the noise. Sugar is only a momentary fix. I know this. And should I forget, guilt will remind me the next morning. For now, though, I listen to the roar of momentary desires over the steady voice of Truth. I seek to find rest for my soul (or what appears to be anyway) by alternating salty and sweet, aimlessly seeking to avoid my tireless thoughts and emotions.

While I know the Truth, I don't allow my feelings to stimulate positive results. I've been on a path of allowing my feelings to define my life. And currently, my life is a bit of a mess. Lysa Terkeurst, in her devotional, Craving God, says "We can't look to our feelings to determine truth. We must look to truth to rein in our feelings."

The relief I long for won't be found in the smorgasbord of choices the world offers us. It is time to quit seeking to numb our feelings by checking out in front of the television, logging in to social media, or overindulging on food. That type of false comfort comes only for the moment. When we choose to oversleep or overbook our calendars in an effort to manage our life, we put off until tomorrow what needs to be dealt with today. The little break we so desperately desire by turning to technology, sex, alcohol, drugs and partying is only a distraction for the rest we are longing for. These outlets may make us feel better momentarily but Jesus' words in Matthew 11:29 can help us reign in our feelings. "Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

God offers me rest as I place myself under His authority. He longs for my desires to lead me to Him. However, knowing this Truth is not enough. I must choose to embrace it in the moment. The road I've been headed down by choosing to medicate my emotions instead of seeking clarity is not God's best plan for my life. It is time that I begin to look at my feelings as a trigger to pursue what is best for me. There is a choice that must be made every time I feel unsettled in my soul.

I'm tired of choosing the temporary fix. Today when feelings overwhelm me (because they will... it's inevitable), I am going to choose to talk to God about them. When I find myself standing in front of my pantry, I am going to acknowledge that treats will not satisfy my soul. They will not bring lasting peace. Neither will Facebook... or even a nap.

Today, I'm going to love my feelings by allowing them to prompt me to seek God. My feelings can help me pursue God's best for my life if I simply say "yes" to Him. Distractions won't help me get there. Only honest conversation with the one who is worthy of our confidence will take me where I need to be. Pouring out my heart to Him and reading the Bible to seek what He has to say to me will bring me the enduring rest I am so desperately seeking. It's time to sort through what is going on inside my head and my heart and seek the Truth.

If I seek Him first, He offers peace. It may not come instantaneously and it may not even come in the package I assumed it would but I will choose to trust Him. He has good plans for my life. I'm done with temporary relief. I want the rest God offers.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." - Matthew 6:33

"...God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything." - 1 John 3:20b

Love Your Dreams/Goals - Hearts at Home January Blog Hop

(Today is the Third Thursday of the month. Time for the Hearts at Home Home Blog Hop! This month's topic: Love Your Dreams/Goals. Head over to Jill's blog to see what other women have to say on the topic.)

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

We are told our entire lives that we can become anything we want to be if we only work hard enough. These days, children need to practically sign away their lives in order to participate in a sport of any kind. As parents, we are told we are failing if we aren't allowing our kids to try out every activity in order to discover the one thing that will lead to fulfilling their dreams.

Like most, I've identified the dreams of my heart... those things that sometimes feel so out-of-touch I may never actually achieve them. Yet at the same time, I can taste them the way you taste chocolate before it even touches your lips simply because the desire is so strong. And while goals aren't big in my life, I do have them. I've completed a marathon, a handful of half marathons and many smaller races. These accomplishments don't just happen by accident. If the goal isn't set, the likelihood of crossing a  finish line is slim-to-none.

Maybe I'm not much of a dreamer. Makes me sound kind of un-American, I know. It's just that I get tired of chasing after rainbows instead of embracing the gifts that may appear, to others, not quite as shiny as that pot of gold (and, yes, to myself as well, at times).

It could be that my dreams are just often painted as insignificant.

 

Since I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up, getting married, having kids and...

Well... my dream didn't really blossom into anything more than that. I just quit thinking it was a dream. I mean "homemaker" doesn't sound all that glamorous. We like to spice it up with all kind of creative descriptions when filling out applications. As a matter of fact, the conversations I hear out there frown upon being a stay-at-home mom. Are little girls even allowed to dream about being mommies anymore? ...I mean, without a career?

My dream was to marry a man that loves God and loves me and my children. I have that in a way that other women, unfortunately, only wish for. My dream was to have children and raise them to love God in a community of believers that feels like family. We have that in a way I never could have imagined. If we can finish this life loving God and loving others well, I will have reached my dreams and achieved my goals. No apologies.

Sure, writing and speaking are still a pursuit of mine. God continues to provide those opportunities to me in the perfect situations. I may never be a famous Speaker or Writer but God has still given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. I think it's time I start embracing the gifts He's given me today and realize I can never dream up a life better than the plans He has for me. I find I'm much happier trusting the Maker of the Stars than I am to just reach for them.

 

There's nothing weak about choosing to be a stay-at-home mom. It's what I do and I'm proud of it. Not to mention I am better for it.

 

"This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength." - 1 Corinthians 1:25

*Dream Fulfilled*

 

It's MY story (and I want to hear yours)

Telling my story has never been easy. And it’s not because I have some crazy secrets I’m trying to hide. More so, it’s always been a struggle of feeling like my story isn’t anything special. I wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time.  

It never fails when people gather to tell their stories. Someone always recalls the remarkable transformation God has done in their life. There’s the crazy “look-at-how-my-life-was-going-straight-to-the-pit-of-hell” before account followed by the lightning bolt moment that God used to set them on “the straight and narrow”. I’m left in awe. After all, God is amazing and the transformation He works is remarkable. The problem was that I was left pining because I didn’t view my story as anything special.

So, flashback with me to a moment where we gathered in a circle to share our stories...

I recounted how I had always known and believed the Good News of the Bible. At least I couldn’t remember any real “come to Jesus” moments in my life. Oh, I had tried to create them… and there are distinct memories of events that propelled me closer to God… it’s just that I didn’t delve into the life of gangs or prostitution or even partying for that matter. (Can I just say that I now know I’m crazy to have longed for an account like that in my story?!)

Don’t get me wrong: It is evident that God has changed me. My life is different because of Him. It’s just that it is less about how my life was transformed from what it used to be and more of an account of how my life is different than what it could be. He didn’t save me from a past of wretchedness (at least not to the world’s standards… I have my sins… we all do). He simply saved me from myself and the damage I could have done because He grabbed a hold of my heart at a young age.

This song by Sue C. Smith entitled “I Came to Love You Early” basically tells my story.

I felt sometimes I didn’t have a story I could share.

I wasn’t rescued from a past destroyed by dark despair.
O, but Jesus, I have memories of the times that we’ve been through
And I wouldn’t trade one moment of growing up with You.

I came to love you early,

I came to know you young,
You touched my heart, dear Jesus,
When my life had just begun.

I gave you my tomorrows

And a childish heart of sin
And You’ve saved me from a lifetime
Of what I might have been.

When I finished sharing my story, I was left in a bit of shell shock. One of the men listening (who happened to be leading the church we were attending at the time) informed me that he didn’t believe me. Apparently, the only person he ever heard that type of account from that he actually believed was Ruth Bell Graham. And he only believed that story because… well, she was Ruth Bell Graham.

Here I was, deciding to give up the desire to make my story into something more exciting than it is. No need to embellish. Tell it just the way it is… and I did… and I was told it wasn’t good enough… by a pastor. (Yep… that took some time to work through.)

I still shake my head over it. But I’ve learned from it. There will never be a time that I listen to the story of another and tell them they need to change it. Never. Ever. It’s there story and it’s important for them to share it. So is mine… just the way God wrote it.

Every story is different. No two stories are exactly alike. And they all need to be shared.

We’ve been going through a series at our church on this very topic. There’s a great site called I am Second that you can watch more accounts of what God is doing in the lives of others. Listening to testimonies, even of people I don’t know, is spurring me on to become more like Jesus.

Needless to say, I was in awe again when I heard the topic of this year’s (in)RL conference was “Stories”. I’ve learned when God continues to drive home a point, I need to listen. (By the way, that’s my one word for the year: Listen.) So, I am. I’m reading through old journals… looking for common themes in my story… remembering all the ways God has transformed my life… because He has. There's more to my story then one little blog post. There's always more. 

I have embraced the story God has written for me. You have a story to tell, too. If you feel like you don’t, you’re not alone… you just need to talk it out to identify what your story is. Once you begin to share your story by talking to God and talking to others, you enter a world of excitement to see not only how God will continue His story of your life, but how it will be entwined with others. It’s always better with others. And your story is important. Don’t let anyone tell you different. God cared enough to write it. Therefore, it needs to be told.

I am so over-the-top excited of what God is going to do this year through (in)RL! You are ALL invited to join me. And the best part is that it is completely FREE!!!! It’s easy to register. It's a place to experience community the way God intended it to be. Community is our stories together. It's a beautiful tapestry God has created. Join me and my friends as we listen and tell stories of God’s amazing work in our lives.

Oh, and can I add one more thing?

 

There won't be any judging.

 

Come as you are.

 

That's the best way to share your story.

 

We need the real you.

 

I can’t wait to hear your story and I’d love to see it entangled with mine.

 

Now go register! We're meeting April 26th from 9am-1pm here. Can't wait!