My Children Drive Me To...

The topic for May’s Hearts at Home Blog Hop is “How has being a mom changed you? For good? For bad?”

I never felt equipped to hold the title of “Mom”. When I first found out I was pregnant, I cried. We had been married for a few years, but the responsibility of raising a child was overwhelming. How was I going to prepare another human being to live in this world? It was hard enough to face each day on my own.

With my oldest now entering the preteen years, I still feel unqualified to raise my children. I’m caught up in the comparison game and berate myself constantly for the mistakes I make. When I tell my husband that I’m worried we are messing our kids up, he assures me that we are. “It’s all about damage control. We’re going to mess them up. It’s just a matter of how bad it will be.” God, I pray you will cover my mistakes in the same way you’ve covered all my sins.

Being a mom has completely changed my relationship with my God. Children have a way of driving moms to the arms of Jesus. The moment I held my firstborn in my arms, I understood a little more deeply the love God has for me. When my children run to me with their every problem, I think about the last time I ran to my Heavenly Father for help. As I wrestle with my desire to fulfill their every request in light of our financial situation as well as what is best for them, I think about the way our God desires to pour out blessings on our lives that much more. Even as I watch my children’s behavior, disappointed at the choices they are making, I find myself running to God with a desire to change myself. I had no idea that becoming a mom would make me so ever-dependent upon my Savior.  This is the facet of motherhood I am so grateful for.

While my relationship with God has been enriched through this role in my life, anxiety has increased. I never considered myself prone to worry. It just didn’t seem like a productive emotion. Ten years later, I find myself consumed with worry about the big things (like what school my children will attend and whether or not they will marry a man that will remain faithful) to little things (like the stomach flu and whether or not I remembered to pack everything they needed for the day). My need to control is not something I am proud of. The lack of trust I exhibit in the God of the Universe is disheartening. Still, even in my worry, I am forced to get real with my Lord.

Motherhood seems to highlight the worst in me more often than not. It is easy to beat myself up about it and allow guilt to overwhelm me. I may not feel equipped to be a mom but God entrusted me with three little girls that I have the privilege to raise for Him. What I feel does not define truth. When I find myself lost in a world of self-pity for not being the mom who has it all together, I simply need to find God’s Truth and allow it to transform my thoughts and actions.

Sometimes my children do drive me crazy. There are phrases out there that our children can drive us to do worse things. Our children should always drive us to the feet of Jesus. It’s the best place we all can be.

"But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." (2 Corinthians 3:16-18)