No More Perfect Holidays (HAH Blog Hop)



Norman Rockwell, Freedom from Want, 1943



Thanksgiving is exactly one week away. Hands down, it was my absolute favorite holiday asa kid. That's not a big surprise considering my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins usually gathered around a cake to celebrate my birthday each year on this national holiday. (I might also possibly teach my children that the reason our nation celebrates a day of giving thanks is because I was born.) Maybe it is because this one day each year I could count on my tongue savoring the flavor of sweet potatoes topped with melted marshmallows and butter. Most likely, however, it was the fact that I was surrounded by loved ones, young and old, to offer thanks for the abundance of blessings in our lives.

These days, with Christmas music filling retail stores long before trick-or-treating ever occurs, it's difficult to focus just on a day designated for counting blessings. Growing up, my dad was insistent that EVERYTHING Christmas waited until our short drive home from my grandparents. In a way, I'm grateful he did. Even the holiday television specials were a treat because we only watched them once a year. All of that said, I now have trouble decideing if I'm irritated or elated when Christmas music flows from the mouths of my babes to my ears... in July.

NEVER did I ever envision the holidays as they are now. For some reason, this Norman Rockwell favorite encapsulates my ideal holiday. Maybe it does for most of the world and that is why it is so famous. Thanksgiving and Christmas, in my opinion, should be a time for great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins to gather and share the day together... with nowhere else to be. In my mind, the moment could last forever. Great conversation intermingled with playing games and cards... I'd even mix in singing and children putting on theatrical productions (because that is what I always did)... what could be better than that? My life was a picture of perfection as a child... maybe because my parents sheltered me... I don't know... I just know that I'd go back to those days in a moment. They are my ideal.

The year after I lost my paternal grandpa, we said goodbye to both my dad and father-in-law all in a matter of months before we said hello to our rambunctious youngest daughter. To this day, I stuff my confused emotions over the fact that she will never know her Grandpa and Papa. If the holidays are always lacking the patriarchs of the family, how can we ever hope to achieve the beauty portrayed in this picture? I know there is still much to appreciate in the life as she knows it. It's just not my ideal. We will never have the PERFECT Christmas I had always envisioned.

Irving Berlin's classic may find us dreaming of a White Christmas but NEVER can it fulfill my deepest longings. I suppose that is why the holidays still twist my emotions in a painful way. I'm pining over unrealistic expectations. There may not be a perfect holiday here on earth, but one day, we will have an ideal Christmas... eternity in Heaven.

I had my mom hunt down a copy of an album my dad like to listen to. (In particular, the January that his dad died.) Thanks, mom. Now I was able to find a recording of it on You Tube. The first 1:12 of the video, and than again at about 8:00 until the end, encapsulates what I'm trying to remember in these years since my own dad's passing. I just need to embrace the true meaning of each holiday.

I can picture my dad listening to the record and can't wait to be reunited again! We're going Home for Christmas... really Home for Christmas... going home to celebrate God's love!




(Today is the Third Thursday of the month. Time for the Hearts at Home Home Blog Hop! This month's topic: No More Perfect Holidays. Head over to Jill's blog to see what other women have to say.)

Knock it Off! (Hearts at Home Blog Hop)

I sat on the park bench fighting my natural tendency to judge. Invited for a play date, we discussed our mothering stories. As the tales of others were weaved in to our conversation, the temptation to fit each one into my own little box was irresistible.

Every child should have a consistent early bedtime.

Families shouldn't fill their schedules to a level of crazy.

There are laws for children riding in vehicles. It's simple really: follow the rules.

I had to tell myself to STOP.

KNOCK IT OFF!

I am a mom to three beautiful little girls. Each one is very different. My opinions on mothering have changed drastically in the eleven years I've been doing this job.

Early on in my life, before I even earned the title of "mommy", it was my belief that I knew well how to raise children. Not just my own (who would come in the future) but those of others as well. When my compliant, laid-back firstborn entered the world, my parenting philosophies were reinforced.

I rocked at motherhood.

I knew what I was doing.

Others apparently did not.

Maybe they just needed a good example.

Then daughter #2 came into our life.

And now we have 3! (With each daughter added to our family, their personalities morphed to reveal a little more of myself.)

Oh, how I wish I could apologize to each and every mother I ever frowned upon!

It is one of my high hopes that others do not judge me. After all, I now know that I am failing miserably as a mom. My heartfelt prayer is that God will work in spite of all my mistakes. No longer do I believe Mother knows best. (Although that is a line from a song from the Disney movie, Tangled. I love to sing it to my girls. The same line. Over and over again.)

Here's my new parenting philosophy: God gave my children their personalities. It is my responsibility to help shape them into the well-adjusted adult He designed them to be. (Or not-so-well-adjusted because I've sent them running to a counselor's office. My husband says we will screw them up. He encourages me that it's all about damage control.). Really, much of it is beyond my control. Ultimately, God gave me these children to sharpen my rough edges. I believe He desires to transform me through my children.

For that reason (along with Jill Savage's book, No More Perfect Moms), I've decided to Knock it Off! I will actually verbally tell myself to "Stop judging others." "My way is not the only way." (And there are many other phrases of the sort.)

Yes, I actually talk to myself. I realize that may cause you to judge me. I'm just hoping you'll agree to Knock it Off as well.

 

I’ve signed the Knock It Off commitment. Will you?

Slowing Down to Rest: Mark 1:35

"Before daybreak the next morning,

Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray."

- Mark 1:35

If Jesus needed to pull away from the world to spend time with our Heavenly Father, why oh why do we think we don't?

Slowing Down to Rest: It Takes Work Sometimes

I have to wonder if I am only creating more chaos for myself. Today, as we celebrate our middle daughter's eighth birthday (early), I can't help but contemplate my choices. When an upcoming birthday party consumes all my time and energy, it has to be reconsidered.

Growing up, birthdays were simple. I remember sitting in the church pew debating between my favorite restaurant choices. This annual milestone meant mom and dad were splurging on a rare treat: going out-to-eat. It was truly a special occasion.

I don't recall ever pining over what I missed as I attended the birthday parties of my school classmates. Somewhere along the way, however, I decided my children were going to have grand celebrations. Another year of life beckoned a party with all of our family and friends.

Now that my oldest is eleven, party planning has honestly become a bit of a chore. She has had celebrations (often two) for every year of her life. Add two more girls to the mix and this momma is losing her creativity. Unfortunately, our medium girl has her birthday the latest month of all our children. Not only is she sandwiched between our oldest and youngest in the birthing order, her due date was stuck right between the crazy start of school and the busy holiday rush.

"She justifiably will have middle-child-syndrome!" was the response I gave to my friend's inquiry on the high stress level this week. I can have a home that says, "welcome" to our guests. That isn't my worry. Everyone invited is coming to help Jaycie know she is loved and celebrated. Food can be purchased and even a cake for that matter. It's the future adult-child casting judgment that was wreaking havoc on my emotions. I'm worried she will see pictures one day and wonder why she always appeared to get the short-end-of-the-stick.

So why bother with a party anyway? Am I creating selfish little monsters who demand their moment of glory? Are we begging for a shower of presents every year when our house is already overloaded? Is it worth the time, energy and money to throw this type of a shindig every year (x3)?

After some soul-searching, I'm jumping in with both feet for today's celebration. Today we remember. Once a year (although it should be constantly in a much simpler way), we take time out of our lives to say thank you to God for our daughter's life. There is so much to be grateful for.

So why the big fiesta? It's not about the presents. I don't care if people come empty-handed or bring a candy bar to show their love. Simply put, we want those who do this life with us to reminisce with us. We want our girls to know they have a community of people to count on. In the Bible, God's people set aside times for feasting. The feast was a reason to gather. The purpose was to remember God's goodness.

This past week felt a bit like I was doing anything but slowing down to rest. Today, with a cake in the fridge, a DVD of this past year put to music set to watch, and a home that can welcome our community even with the threat of rain, we are celebrating. We are thanking God surrounded by many of those we do life with.

Sometimes it takes a lot of work in order to be able to rest. Keeping the purpose in mind helps us to stay focused. Resting today... surrounded by those I love... celebrating all our gifts... it is all worth it.

Maybe REST isn't so much about sleeping, zoning out, or stopping all activity. Could it be that rest is more about redefining our purpose? Does rest help us become more intentional?

 

"This feast will help you remember, like a mark on your hand or a reminder on your forehead. This feast will remind you to speak the Lord’s teachings, because the Lord used his great power to bring you out of Egypt.  So celebrate this feast every year at the right time." - Exodus 13:9-10

 

Slowing Down to Rest: Five Minute Friday (Write)

Today I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo (from (in)courage) for a Five Minute Friday. The writing prompt for today is the word "write".

 

 

I’m working on slowing down. My goal is to achieve some rest for my weary soul. One way I am doing this is by setting aside time to write. At times, it is with pen and paper. At other moments I just allow my fingers to fly across the keyboard pouring out every thought in my mind. There is something freeing about taking this spaghetti dish of thoughts in my mind and sorting them out with written words.

Did you know some schools are choosing to no longer teach cursive writing? My heart drops at the thought. One of the greatest gifts I know of is the speed of writing thanks to that technique. Many of my prayers to God are in cursive. Note upon note of encouragement and gratitude flow in that way.

While I embrace the keyboard and all that computers offer us, we need to quit rushing. Taking time to write and express ourselves is one way to slow down. I’m thankful my children are still learning this art. I’m not looking for us to pull away from the world into seclusion. It’s just that forward progress doesn’t mean we need to get rid of everything in the past that worked.

You will often find me with a journal and pen on hand. Rarely do I go anywhere without it. My girls are following this trend. Sometimes it’s just because they love to draw but by soul does flips when I find their written words… especially when they are expressions from their deepest parts to God’s ears.

The written word is a gift.

 

How do you take time to slow down and find time to write?