Remind me: I don't want to miss out on Transformation

The start of the new year has left me sitting in a world of regret. As I ponder the year behind us, I can't help but wonder how exactly I entered the land of failure. Just where did I got wrong? When exactly did I quit believing I could succeed or, more honestly, just quit caring if I even tried?

Analyzing your habits every January is the trend. For me, it didn't matter that I completed 2 half marathons in 2013. The fact remains that I far from embraced a healthy lifestyle. 20 added pounds are a sad reminder of just how much I let myself go.  Bottom line: I quit being intentional. I didn't want to make the choices that would lead to a healthy lifestyle. What I wanted to do in the moment, I did and now I'm paying the price. There's always a cost to our decisions.

I have a friend that leads a boot camp offered through our church this time every year. While there was a tug-of-war going on with my desires, ultimately I signed up for the group. Likely, I joined because I have been a part since its conception. The desire for exercise isn't there. Sure, I desire to be thin. I just don't want to do the work required to achieve the prize. Still, I'm going to the boot camp offered through my church. Does it really matter that the driving force behind my decision was that I don't want to be left out. I hate feeling like I'm missing out on something my friends are doing.

This morning was the first boot camp of the year. Notwithstanding the griping and moaning, I unburied my exercise mat, filled up the water bottle and got myself there. I listened half-heartedly and participate with less enthusiasm because I've been here before. Getting healthy is hard and requires intentionality. I'm too tired, unmotivated and weighed down with empty calorie treats as well as the burdens of the world. But I'm a part of the group anyway. I don't want to miss out.

Negative thoughts that came from searching for clothes that would actually fit this morning are replaced with glimpses of hope mid-exercise as I touch my calf muscle. Surprisingly, there is actually still shape from all the running I took a break from two months ago. Maybe not all is lost? A flicker of hope is lit as my mind recalls the healthy choices I have made even if I didn't give 100%.

"Just give me 8 weeks of healthy eating together." My friend/instructor wants to entice us and I find myself lured like a fish toward bait. He is smart; giving us just a taste today. The exercises he leads us through are achievable and don't feel out-of-reach. Maybe being healthy isn't impossible. While I know the worse is yet to come, I'm believing it is all for my good. I feel more energy at the conclusion of the workout than I've felt in months. 8 weeks, huh?

Not wanting to miss out may not be such a bad motivation. I don't know how many people were there today but it was good to know I was surrounded by others who believe change is good. Different ages, sizes, and fitness levels filled the room. Excuses lose their effectiveness in the middle community. Not everyone's story is like mine but we all have excuses taunting us to stay comfortable. Community reminds me that God desires transformation. In the moment, I may not be so convinced I want others to inspire me to change. Deep in my heart, however, I know those are the best relationships to surround myself with.

My mind flashes to Bible verses I learned as a child. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up."  I'm grateful for the crowd of witnesses to keep my eyes on the prize. Hebrews 12 also goes on about the necessity and value of discipline even if I kick and scream like a little child against it.

God created community for a reason. Our church advertises life change. Even when I don't want to change, God calls me to more. Transformation is God's desire for us. It should be our desire for each other.

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image."  (2 Corinthians 3:17-18)

It's not just in the area of physical fitness that I'm encouraged to change. It's spiritual, emotional and relational health as well. I am still not certain I want to commit to the discipline a healthy lifestyle requires. However, I am convinced that God placed me in this community because He knows I might need encouragement to gather that desire. I want this community... even when it is hard... especially when I want to quit.

 

Thank you, Southfield, for accepting me where I am and yet spurring me on to become more like Christ. It's what this life is all about. With God keeping my heart moldable and your encouragement to continue saying "yes" to Him, I am better. I want to be better. Please keep pushing me even when I push back. I need you. I'm better because of you and grateful for you. Remind me to count the cost when faced with a fork in the road and I promise to do the same for you. It may not be easy but it is worth it in the end. Don't let me make excuses. I don't want to miss out.

"A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, 'If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’ Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own. Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!” (Luke 14: 25-35)

                                                                                                        

Deliverance at Christmas

When words don't come eloquently, they're just not expressed. Thoughts spin in my mind but never get recorded. So many times I think that I wrote a thank you or articulated my gratitude to someone only to realize it was only in my head. I play things out over and over again and then get distracted by the busyness of life. It's difficult to align my thoughts of appreciation with intentional words.

For some reason, when our thoughts are bothersome, there is no hesitation to find the perfect way to express those feelings. In our home, we haven't been able to plan well these past months. My husband's employer has dictated our calendar more than usual and it has swept us up into a dizzy of worry. Complaints are uttered easily to our family and friends, painting the picture that we are petitioning others to support a declaration that "life is not fair".  It's natural, I suppose, to grumble and whine when expectations aren't met and someone else seems to be calling the shots.

For weeks our minds have been mulling over what today would look like. My husband and I have worried and wondered and grown frustrated about what might be. When information came home a few weeks ago that our 8-year-old's school Christmas program was the same night as our 11-year-old's band concert, it wasn't only the logistics of the evening that set our minds spinning. Concern wasn't just over how we would get from one school to the other on time. We didn't even know if their dad would be in town for these important events.

Part of the problem is that we have been here before. We know what life is like when an employer takes control of your calendar and family life is threatened. How are we back here again? Why is God allowing a season to replay itself over again when He had saved us from it previously? Our eyes were on our problems and our fears. Despite the fact that God had delivered us in the past at just the perfect timing, we lacked faith and trust that He would do it once again.

Deliverance... bondage... grumbling and whining... sounds like a story similar to the Israelites.

A short time ago, we were informed that a January 1st deadline was pushed back a couple months. While that means the crazy is extended a little longer, it also means that the added stress during an already intense season of holiday happenings was greatly reduced. We have been worried and irritated and angry despite the fact that God tells us not to be. Yet He appears to have delivered us in His perfect timing once again.

Despite our rotten attitude and lack of gratitude... deliverance again.

God proves Himself faithful over and over again even though we are not. The Creator of the Universe has a BEST plan for our lives. We need to trust Him that He cares about the details.

Today, my girls have some important productions. Sure, "A Martians Christmas Musical" and a band concert aren't life altering moments... but to our girls, their dad's presence is. Their dad is home today and details seem to be taking care of themselves for the scheduling conflict between the schools. Why did we waste so many hours on worry?

I am overwhelmed with gratitude today. As my girls fill their schools with music and we take pictures and applaud, I want to remember. As I sit by my husband tonight, thankful that my girls don't have an absent father, I will choose to remember. Our Heavenly Father is not absent. He is present in every detail of our lives. That's what Christmas is all about. He left Heaven to become one of us so He can share in all of our burdens.

It's so easy to run from one obligation to the next... without a thought of God's goodness in that moment. I don't want to be so inundated with the busyness of the season that I am like one of the nine lepers. It may be natural to gripe and complain. Going from one event to the other without a thought to God's gifts might be normal but God tells me I am to be different; set apart.

In the midst of normal Christmastime activities, God wants to give us the extraordinary. We just need to keep our eyes on Him... not our problems. As we reminisce in the future over photographs from this season, it will be fun to discuss the special moments. More than that, however, it will be exciting to recount His promises and deliverance in our life. Through remembering, hopefully, our eyes will look to God instead of our problems in the future. Maybe then we will be delivered from our grumbling and worry.

Tonight, I'm being intentional to utter the words and thank God for His goodness.

No More Perfect Holidays (HAH Blog Hop)



Norman Rockwell, Freedom from Want, 1943



Thanksgiving is exactly one week away. Hands down, it was my absolute favorite holiday asa kid. That's not a big surprise considering my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins usually gathered around a cake to celebrate my birthday each year on this national holiday. (I might also possibly teach my children that the reason our nation celebrates a day of giving thanks is because I was born.) Maybe it is because this one day each year I could count on my tongue savoring the flavor of sweet potatoes topped with melted marshmallows and butter. Most likely, however, it was the fact that I was surrounded by loved ones, young and old, to offer thanks for the abundance of blessings in our lives.

These days, with Christmas music filling retail stores long before trick-or-treating ever occurs, it's difficult to focus just on a day designated for counting blessings. Growing up, my dad was insistent that EVERYTHING Christmas waited until our short drive home from my grandparents. In a way, I'm grateful he did. Even the holiday television specials were a treat because we only watched them once a year. All of that said, I now have trouble decideing if I'm irritated or elated when Christmas music flows from the mouths of my babes to my ears... in July.

NEVER did I ever envision the holidays as they are now. For some reason, this Norman Rockwell favorite encapsulates my ideal holiday. Maybe it does for most of the world and that is why it is so famous. Thanksgiving and Christmas, in my opinion, should be a time for great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins to gather and share the day together... with nowhere else to be. In my mind, the moment could last forever. Great conversation intermingled with playing games and cards... I'd even mix in singing and children putting on theatrical productions (because that is what I always did)... what could be better than that? My life was a picture of perfection as a child... maybe because my parents sheltered me... I don't know... I just know that I'd go back to those days in a moment. They are my ideal.

The year after I lost my paternal grandpa, we said goodbye to both my dad and father-in-law all in a matter of months before we said hello to our rambunctious youngest daughter. To this day, I stuff my confused emotions over the fact that she will never know her Grandpa and Papa. If the holidays are always lacking the patriarchs of the family, how can we ever hope to achieve the beauty portrayed in this picture? I know there is still much to appreciate in the life as she knows it. It's just not my ideal. We will never have the PERFECT Christmas I had always envisioned.

Irving Berlin's classic may find us dreaming of a White Christmas but NEVER can it fulfill my deepest longings. I suppose that is why the holidays still twist my emotions in a painful way. I'm pining over unrealistic expectations. There may not be a perfect holiday here on earth, but one day, we will have an ideal Christmas... eternity in Heaven.

I had my mom hunt down a copy of an album my dad like to listen to. (In particular, the January that his dad died.) Thanks, mom. Now I was able to find a recording of it on You Tube. The first 1:12 of the video, and than again at about 8:00 until the end, encapsulates what I'm trying to remember in these years since my own dad's passing. I just need to embrace the true meaning of each holiday.

I can picture my dad listening to the record and can't wait to be reunited again! We're going Home for Christmas... really Home for Christmas... going home to celebrate God's love!




(Today is the Third Thursday of the month. Time for the Hearts at Home Home Blog Hop! This month's topic: No More Perfect Holidays. Head over to Jill's blog to see what other women have to say.)

Knock it Off! (Hearts at Home Blog Hop)

I sat on the park bench fighting my natural tendency to judge. Invited for a play date, we discussed our mothering stories. As the tales of others were weaved in to our conversation, the temptation to fit each one into my own little box was irresistible.

Every child should have a consistent early bedtime.

Families shouldn't fill their schedules to a level of crazy.

There are laws for children riding in vehicles. It's simple really: follow the rules.

I had to tell myself to STOP.

KNOCK IT OFF!

I am a mom to three beautiful little girls. Each one is very different. My opinions on mothering have changed drastically in the eleven years I've been doing this job.

Early on in my life, before I even earned the title of "mommy", it was my belief that I knew well how to raise children. Not just my own (who would come in the future) but those of others as well. When my compliant, laid-back firstborn entered the world, my parenting philosophies were reinforced.

I rocked at motherhood.

I knew what I was doing.

Others apparently did not.

Maybe they just needed a good example.

Then daughter #2 came into our life.

And now we have 3! (With each daughter added to our family, their personalities morphed to reveal a little more of myself.)

Oh, how I wish I could apologize to each and every mother I ever frowned upon!

It is one of my high hopes that others do not judge me. After all, I now know that I am failing miserably as a mom. My heartfelt prayer is that God will work in spite of all my mistakes. No longer do I believe Mother knows best. (Although that is a line from a song from the Disney movie, Tangled. I love to sing it to my girls. The same line. Over and over again.)

Here's my new parenting philosophy: God gave my children their personalities. It is my responsibility to help shape them into the well-adjusted adult He designed them to be. (Or not-so-well-adjusted because I've sent them running to a counselor's office. My husband says we will screw them up. He encourages me that it's all about damage control.). Really, much of it is beyond my control. Ultimately, God gave me these children to sharpen my rough edges. I believe He desires to transform me through my children.

For that reason (along with Jill Savage's book, No More Perfect Moms), I've decided to Knock it Off! I will actually verbally tell myself to "Stop judging others." "My way is not the only way." (And there are many other phrases of the sort.)

Yes, I actually talk to myself. I realize that may cause you to judge me. I'm just hoping you'll agree to Knock it Off as well.

 

I’ve signed the Knock It Off commitment. Will you?

Slowing Down to Rest: Mark 1:35

"Before daybreak the next morning,

Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray."

- Mark 1:35

If Jesus needed to pull away from the world to spend time with our Heavenly Father, why oh why do we think we don't?