When we were leaving my parents house the other night (after the cherished conversation with my dad), Nikelle made an inquiry. “Mommy, when will Papa be able to go to the farm again?” I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice as I simply stated, “I don’t know, Nikelle. Papa has to get better first.”
Why was I blessed with a child that treasures moments as much as I do? It would be so much easier if I could just be alone in my thoughts. “Mommy?” I made myself listen to her rather than entertain my consuming thoughts of sadness. “If God has a farm in heaven, that’s where Papa would want to be.” It was more of a statement than a question. I shook my head in wonderment as the tears began to come, “You’re right, Nike. Papa would want to be at God’s farm.”
Where do these thoughts come from? “Yeah,” she continued. “He would have pigs… and goats... and sheep... and...” The excitement coming from her voice made it medicating for my heart. “There’d be cows at the farm, too… and roosters.” She was amplifying what my dad told me earlier. “If I die, I’ll be going to a better place.”
“Mommy, why don’t we hear roosters when we wake up?” I allowed myself to come back from my thoughts to live in the moment as Nikelle continued with her thoughts. So we talked about people waking up to rooster calls.
(On a side note: Her imagination runs wild. There aren't even any animals or buildings for that matter at Papa's farm yet. It's just some property with a picnic shelter and some ponds.)
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4
Friday, November 30, 2007
Caution
Rod and I have seen the previews for the movie, The Golden Compass, numerous times. It looks very appealing...especially after seeing Narnia and the similar effects they seem to use. However, this is the second e-mail I've received on this movie so it's worth the caution:
I thought you would like to know some info about The Golden Compass....
The Golden Compass, a new movie targeted at children, will be released Dec. 7. This movie is based on a first book of a trilogy by atheist Philip Pullman. In the final book a boy and girl kill God so they can do as they please. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that "My books are about killing God."The movie is a watered down version of the first book and is designed to be very attractive in the hope unsuspecting parents will take their children to see the movie and that the children will want the books for Christmas.The movie has a well known cast, including Niclole Kidman, Kevin Bacon, and Sam Elliott. It will probably be advertised extensively, so it is crucial that we get word out to warn parents (grandparents) to avoid this movie. You can research this for yourself. Start with this article on Snopes.com, then go to Google. http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp
I was also able to find this http://www.family.org/entertainment/A000001212.cfm on Focus on the Family's website.
Just a little FYI in case you haven't received this caution.
I thought you would like to know some info about The Golden Compass....
The Golden Compass, a new movie targeted at children, will be released Dec. 7. This movie is based on a first book of a trilogy by atheist Philip Pullman. In the final book a boy and girl kill God so they can do as they please. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that "My books are about killing God."The movie is a watered down version of the first book and is designed to be very attractive in the hope unsuspecting parents will take their children to see the movie and that the children will want the books for Christmas.The movie has a well known cast, including Niclole Kidman, Kevin Bacon, and Sam Elliott. It will probably be advertised extensively, so it is crucial that we get word out to warn parents (grandparents) to avoid this movie. You can research this for yourself. Start with this article on Snopes.com, then go to Google. http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp
I was also able to find this http://www.family.org/entertainment/A000001212.cfm on Focus on the Family's website.
Just a little FYI in case you haven't received this caution.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Conversation with Dad
Nikelle loves surprises. As I dropped her off at school yesterday, I informed her that there would be a surprise when I came back to pick her up. I told Jaycie of our plans after she woke up from her nap. When Nike walked out of her classroom and inquired of her surprise, I encouraged Jaycie to share it with her. “What is it JJ?” Nike squatted down to inquire of her little sister. “Papa”, Jaycie whispered. Nikelle’s eyes lit up the same way Jaycie’s did when hearing of the news. There were no complaints about not being able to play on the hill after school, as we jumped in the van to see my parents.
Mom called earlier in the day to tell me to bring my VCR with me. Dad had just cleaned theirs and it was working better. Since we have the same players, he thought he would do the same for ours if I would just bring it along. This little gesture lifted my heart in a way I cannot explain in words. Dad fixing my VCR: this is normal and there are so many days I just long for a little feeling of normal.
As the girls and I drove to Mokena, we sang songs. My heart just hasn’t been into the Christmas music this year as it generally is. For the first time this Christmas season, my heart was with the music yesterday. Christmas and my Dad. They almost go hand-in-hand.
This is something Dad talked to me about. Whether he should live or die, he wants us to remember to celebrate Christmas. He’s looking forward to celebrating with us this year. Still, the reality of the aggressiveness of this cancer looms. I informed him that I remember everything about the Christmas traditions he held so tightly to. I’ve already been writing them down this year for comfort.
Mom played with my girls in the dining room. I sat a distance away from Dad and talked with him for quite some time. (The room is set up so he has his sofa and we can come visit as long as we don’t have close contact with him.) One topic of conversation was “the farm”. Tears fell from my eyes as I informed him that I honestly don’t see myself enjoying the farm without him. The tears well up in my eyes even now at the thought.
Life without my dad: it’s a reality I do my best not to think about. He quoted Philippians 1:21 “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” While it is a comfort to know there is the hope of heaven, I shared with him that it’s us left here on earth for which my heart aches. He responded with “You’ll blink and this life will be over. Time on earth here will pass quickly. Really, it will.” (Today I read 2 Peter 3:8 in the One-Year-Bible reading which states “But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” That was comfort straight from God confirming Dad’s words yesterday.)
Still, I hate that this reality is in our face every day. My heart hurts continually when I think of what tomorrow might hold. As I reiterated to him last night, I can only live for today. I at least find comfort that this is Biblical (Matthew 6:34). My heart and mind cannot cope with the future. He said it’s the potential for pain that makes it so difficult to think past today. I’m pretty sure he’s hit the nail on the head.
There was conversation about God’s power and how we know He can heal Dad if He chooses to. I shared with Dad how I am praying for God to show us that “He is the Lord” by healing him. Dad asked me what it means if he doesn’t survive this battle with cancer. He wants to be certain that I realize God is God even if he leaves this earth. I gave him assurance that I know God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). I do understand the reality that he may not be with us next year. Yet, I still choose this hope to carry me through today (James 5:15-16).
I will forever treasure this conversation with my Dad last night whether I can continue to have more conversations like these or not with him.
“Therefore, I will always remind you about these things – even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught. And it is only right that I should keep on reminding you as long as I live. For our Lord Jesus Christ has shown me that I must soon leave this earthly life, so I will work hard to make sure you always remember these things after I am gone.” – 2 Peter 1:12-15
Mom called earlier in the day to tell me to bring my VCR with me. Dad had just cleaned theirs and it was working better. Since we have the same players, he thought he would do the same for ours if I would just bring it along. This little gesture lifted my heart in a way I cannot explain in words. Dad fixing my VCR: this is normal and there are so many days I just long for a little feeling of normal.
As the girls and I drove to Mokena, we sang songs. My heart just hasn’t been into the Christmas music this year as it generally is. For the first time this Christmas season, my heart was with the music yesterday. Christmas and my Dad. They almost go hand-in-hand.
This is something Dad talked to me about. Whether he should live or die, he wants us to remember to celebrate Christmas. He’s looking forward to celebrating with us this year. Still, the reality of the aggressiveness of this cancer looms. I informed him that I remember everything about the Christmas traditions he held so tightly to. I’ve already been writing them down this year for comfort.
Mom played with my girls in the dining room. I sat a distance away from Dad and talked with him for quite some time. (The room is set up so he has his sofa and we can come visit as long as we don’t have close contact with him.) One topic of conversation was “the farm”. Tears fell from my eyes as I informed him that I honestly don’t see myself enjoying the farm without him. The tears well up in my eyes even now at the thought.
Life without my dad: it’s a reality I do my best not to think about. He quoted Philippians 1:21 “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” While it is a comfort to know there is the hope of heaven, I shared with him that it’s us left here on earth for which my heart aches. He responded with “You’ll blink and this life will be over. Time on earth here will pass quickly. Really, it will.” (Today I read 2 Peter 3:8 in the One-Year-Bible reading which states “But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” That was comfort straight from God confirming Dad’s words yesterday.)
Still, I hate that this reality is in our face every day. My heart hurts continually when I think of what tomorrow might hold. As I reiterated to him last night, I can only live for today. I at least find comfort that this is Biblical (Matthew 6:34). My heart and mind cannot cope with the future. He said it’s the potential for pain that makes it so difficult to think past today. I’m pretty sure he’s hit the nail on the head.
There was conversation about God’s power and how we know He can heal Dad if He chooses to. I shared with Dad how I am praying for God to show us that “He is the Lord” by healing him. Dad asked me what it means if he doesn’t survive this battle with cancer. He wants to be certain that I realize God is God even if he leaves this earth. I gave him assurance that I know God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). I do understand the reality that he may not be with us next year. Yet, I still choose this hope to carry me through today (James 5:15-16).
I will forever treasure this conversation with my Dad last night whether I can continue to have more conversations like these or not with him.
“Therefore, I will always remind you about these things – even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught. And it is only right that I should keep on reminding you as long as I live. For our Lord Jesus Christ has shown me that I must soon leave this earthly life, so I will work hard to make sure you always remember these things after I am gone.” – 2 Peter 1:12-15
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
For Sentimental Reasons
Next weekend is the Lifetime Fitness Reindeer Run that I talked Dad into completing with me last year (the picture I have plastered everywhere is from that run). I want to run it again this year but it looks like I’ll be doing it alone. I wanted a family member to run with me for sentimental reasons. I had talked my niece into it until she did a practice run outside in the cold. Not something she’s up for and I don’t blame her. It’s an adjustment learning to run in the cold. My sister-in-law, Fiona, would do it with me but unfortunately, she is still having issues with her IT band from our marathon training and cannot run. I want to run the 3.1 miles. Dad was pushing me to do my best last year and I want to keep that mentality this year.
My solution is to wake Rod and the girls up nice and early and drag them with me so I have family there at the start and finish of the race. During the race, they can enjoy the race day festivities with Santa or watch a DVD in the van.
I’m grateful I have such a supportive husband. I doubt there is another man in the world that would put up with me. God knew what he was doing when He gave Rod to me. I’m so grateful that God allowed Rod to get this job where he doesn’t travel anymore. I need him with me during this season of life and although he still has to work long hours, he’s home. The grass often looks greener on the other side but if we look closely, we would realize it is pretty darn good right where we are. We just need to appreciate it. Oftentimes, I take Rod’s love for granted. He lives the words “I love you” every day and because of him, I know what those words mean.
My solution is to wake Rod and the girls up nice and early and drag them with me so I have family there at the start and finish of the race. During the race, they can enjoy the race day festivities with Santa or watch a DVD in the van.
I’m grateful I have such a supportive husband. I doubt there is another man in the world that would put up with me. God knew what he was doing when He gave Rod to me. I’m so grateful that God allowed Rod to get this job where he doesn’t travel anymore. I need him with me during this season of life and although he still has to work long hours, he’s home. The grass often looks greener on the other side but if we look closely, we would realize it is pretty darn good right where we are. We just need to appreciate it. Oftentimes, I take Rod’s love for granted. He lives the words “I love you” every day and because of him, I know what those words mean.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Dad's Home
I just received a phone call from my mom that they're home again! Dad actually drove home from the hospital and wanted to stop at McDonald's for some breakfast. It's good to hear that his spirits are up. Now they are getting ready to watch Christmas movies. My heart swells to hear this report. Every bit of good news is something I cling to. He still has quite the battle and I'm certain he's far from feeling good but it does something for my heart to know he is home and excited to be there. Thank you for your continued prayers!
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