Justified Anger

“Come over to Aisle 4” the cashier announced. The decision to stay in line or make the bold move to another lane needs to be made in an instant. In that instant, I decided to move over to aisle 4. That’s when I saw the man rushing, not from another line, mind you, but from the main part of the store down this aisle. As we were equidistant from the cashier (and I was just waiting in another line when the lane opened), I had no problem stepping into line in front of him just before he reached the cashier. I placed my purchases on the belt and waited for the cashier to ring up the customer in front of me.

Shortly after, I heard a woman behind me talking loudly. “Yes, I saw that. For someone to just cut in front of you is rude.” She continued on and on. This was obviously his wife coming into the scene a little tardy. I did not view myself as having done anything wrong in this moment. When a new lane opens, it is just common knowledge that those waiting in other lanes have priority. As my friend pointed out when I relayed this story to her, it is, in reality, priority for those in the front of those already formed lines. There is always an awkward moment when a new lane forms and everyone believes they are in the right.

This woman just would not let up! Her comments that were clearly directed about me (although not directed to me) were loud and causing a scene. I turned around and politely asked, “Were you in another line?” The woman, I think surprised by the fact that I decided to speak to her, answered, “No”.

“Well, we were. And she opened the new lane for those in line to come over,” I replied in a calm tone of voice that usually does not accompany these types of emotion.

“Did she say that?” the woman inquired.

“She said you can come over to aisle 4.” (I see now that this is just a matter of individual interpretation.)

“I was just trying to explain to my children that it is rude to cut in line” she continued to speak loudly.

“If it means that much to you, you are welcome to go in front of me,” I not so graciously offered.

“No,” she said firmly.

“I just attempted to rectify the situation.” I said (surprisingly still in a calm voice). “But I’m sorry you don’t want to.” I turned my back to her and focused my attention to the transaction at hand.

I could still hear her behind me, “Don’t listen to anything she said boys.”

Seriously?! I was angry that this woman insisted that I did something wrong. I was angry that I was now questioning my actions and my attitude when she was the one blowing this up into a big scene. While I realize that I could have made the situation better or avoided the confrontation entirely, I still believe I understand checkout etiquette better than she did. I walked away feeling pretty good about the fact that I responded to her in a calm fashion and chalked it up to a victory in not allowing my anger to get out of hand.

This morning I was reading Gary Chapman’s book, Anger, Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way in preparation for a group study that I obviously need. He says that “anger is the emotion that arises whenever we encounter what we perceive to be wrong”. This scenario quickly popped into my mind. I felt I was wronged. She felt she was wronged. We both believed we were right. Mr. Chapman goes on to say that “anger originates in the perception that something is wrong and that this sense of morality (some things are right and some things are wrong) finds its root in the fact that we are created in the image of God who is holy and has established moral law for the good of His creatures.” He continues to say that “We should thank God for our capacity to experience anger. When one ceases to experience anger, one has lost her sense of moral concern.”

See! I just have concern for the morality of our country! (Or maybe this scenario has nothing to do with that at all.) I’m sure Mr. Chapman will go on to talk more about this, but I’m guessing that as a Christ-follower, it is more important how I handle my anger rather than simply feeling justified in it. As I look back on my situation at the check-out counter, I realize that while it was fairly late at night, this woman was shopping with her husband and children and probably was ready to get home and get her kids into bed. I have no idea what had been going on in her day and this was an opportunity I could have taken the high road. That high road could have been to see a situation with a man and his children rather than just the “right v. wrong” of the situation, being grateful my children were not with me, and I would have waited and graciously (sincerely this time) allowed him to step in line in front of me. Considering I didn’t do that, the road God probably would have liked me to take would have been to say, “I’m sorry. I can see how you would believe I cut in line.” I would have gathered up my stuff, stepped behind her in line and allowed her children to witness that sometimes “justice” is not as important as kindness and the consideration of others.

Kindness: That’s a fruit of the Spirit. Showing the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit does not come naturally for me. It’s something I certainly need to work on. At the same time, I am so overwhelmingly grateful for God’s grace. Could have’s… Should have’s… Would have’s… While I make a lot of mistakes, I don’t have to live in light of them. I simply need to see how I could do better in the next situation and live life today.

What would I do without God's grace?

My Choice in Attitude

This was my input in a newsletter recently to my Mom Connection group:

I was able to connect with my pastor this past weekend as he discussed that ever popular glass of water. He mentioned that he doesn’t view the glass as half-full or half-empty. He just sees a glass with some water in it. I agree. This is life. Both the good and the bad come with the package.

I think half-full or half-empty refers a lot to our attitude in the midst of it all. It is in this area that I often find myself failing. In the moment, I often choose to focus on stress, exhaustion, depression, or even defeat. Rarely, do I choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as I should (Galatians 5:22-23).

It made me think again of 2 Peter 1:3. “Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received!”

If I truly believed this was the best invitation I ever received, wouldn’t I live in light of the awesomeness of this invitation? I would want to set aside time for my relationship with God. I would covet my time with Him. I would want my relationship with him to grow deeper and I would want to introduce Him to everyone I met. My attitude should reflect this invitation. I need to make the conscious effort to recall the great sacrifice that was made for me and live in response to that.

Every day will bring with it positive and negative. How we respond to each of these moments is our choice. Excitement should overwhelm me as I consider the invitation that was extended to me.

Today as you face what comes your way, will you favor pessimism or optimism? Remember that you have the option to choose joy. Consider everything in light of the fact that you have been invited to know God personally and intimately! Choosing joy is evidence of God in our lives.

So much of our attitude is based on our perspective, isn’t it? What kind of expectations we have on ourselves and others with create part of the atmosphere in our lives. Whether or not we play the comparison game or attempt to keep up with the Joneses cultivates discontentment in our souls.

Recently, I’ve come upon a blog by Gitzen Girl. She has a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis (she gives the details about it in her blog). Her disease does not allow her to leave her home and it is unfathomable to me when I read about the details of what she goes through. And yet she chooses joy. She knows her attitude is her choice alone and she has chosen joy. Her life is an inspiration to me and a daily reminder that my attitude is my choice. If you are in need of a little dose of perspective, let her help you remember to choose joy!

Striving to be Me

Insecurities set in easily in my heart. Inferiority clouds quickly over my head. Yesterday, I informed my husband that a good friend told me Mozart died when he was 35. My husband had informed me previously that Jesus died when He was 33. (He was correcting me when I attempted to inform him that I could still have an impact on the lives of others because Jesus started His ministry at 33 and I’m not quite that old yet.) I asked him how old Princess Diana was when she died. “Aren’t we a little arrogant?” was his response to me. “Huh?” I asked. “…lumping yourself in with Jesus and Mozart... don’t you think that makes you a bit arrogant?” (He was just kidding.)

While I was not attempting to place myself on the same rung of the ladder as Jesus or even Mozart for that matter, I was using them as a standard of measurement for myself. A standard of measurement that will only leave me feeling inferior and insecure mind you.

Rachel Olsen of Proverbs 31 Ministries asks the question “Lord, how can I become content with just who I am, nothing more and nothing less?” You can read her article here. She quotes Matthew 23:11-12, ""Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (MSG)

I need to remember that while it helps to work toward my dreams, I can be content where I am right now. While I wonder why God ever thought it permissible to allow me to be a mother, He wouldn’t have given me these children if He wasn’t going to equip me to be the mom that they need. When I look at my husband and the view of when we fell in love appears foggy, I can thank God for our past together and ask Him to help us today and in the future to remember clearly why we chose to spend this life together. As I write, and insecurities fill up my soul, I can hold tightly to the fact that even if no one else is inspired by what I put into words, it is enough that God uses this to transform me. And when I’m looking around for anyone who will give me a pat on the back, I can remember the example Christ gave as the ultimate servant when He died upon that cross. I don’t need to be acknowledged for what I do. I simply need to do it because I know it is what I am supposed to do.

I need to strive for contentment. God created me to be me. I don’t need to strive to become someone else. I don’t have to be Jill Savage and found an entire ministry for women. I may never write a novel like Jane Austen. It is unlikely that I will ever be remembered as Mother Theresa. Comparing myself to others will only leave me feeling inferior. Making certain I am the best version of who God made me to be, however, leaves me fulfilled.

Freebie Fanatics

My husband is a freebie fanatic. He judges the status of the economy by the amount of free t-shirts he receives at the technical conferences he attends. He views pens, pencils, magnets, and anything anyone is handing out for free as a treasure. Honestly, I view most of the stuff that he brings into our home as junk. It’s good to have pens and I’m happy when he receives t-shirts or baseball caps but the day he attempted to prominently display a tissue box that pathetically transformed into a tissue box “laptop computer” was where I drew the line. There is only so much stuff we can collect in this house.

This past summer, our daughter was walking around our County Fair with her cousin when I heard her inquire at a booth, “Is this stuff free?” [sigh] Maybe it’s hereditary... or maybe it’s contagious.

I have recently found myself entering blog giveaways. While I really did not anticipate that I would actually win anything, the contests are fun to enter. They always give you a little something to hope for.

When I woke up this morning, I was not even thinking about the blog giveaway entry I made yesterday. Excitement filled the air as I saw an e-mail in my inbox from Jill Savage telling me that I won! My cousin and I are going to the What Women Want Now Women’s Expo in Bloomington/Normal. The highlight of the day for my cousin, I’m certain, will be the photo signing with BooBoo Stewart, who plays Seth Clearwater in the Twilight movies. (Not too many, including myself, would know the true appreciation for this moment.) My highlight, on the other hand, will be the “meet and greet” with Jill Savage . As the founder of Hearts at Home, Jill’s authenticity and transparency have been instrumental in my life. My marriage, my relationship with my children and my friendships are better because of Hearts at Home.

I am so excited to spend the day with my cousin. She is not just my cousin, but one of my closest friends. So while I’m learning that free giveaways can be fun, Rod’s little trinkets don’t even begin to compare to my day out!

National Day of Encouragement

I had no idea that there actually was a "National Day of Encouragement". A new site I came across, (in)courage, is how I learned today is that day. The other day I came across a post about an opportunity to receive free cards from DaySpring so I could use them for this day. Immediately friends came to mind that would benefit from these encouraging cards.

I have friends who I am often thanking God for in my heart but don't take the time often enough to express it in words so that they know. Other friends of mine are going through seasons of life that I cannot even begin to understand but still want them to know I care. Friend after friend comes to my mind that could use some encouragement. Then again, don't we all?

I used to be really good about dropping notes to my friends whenever they would come to mind. With kids entering the picture, I don't take the time as often as I would like to find cards and send them out. It was so nice to receive a pile of cards that I was able to take the time and tell friend after friend that I care. Thank you, (in)courage and DaySpring for encouraging and equipping me to encourage others!